HOW TO HAVE A DISCUSSION RATHER THAN AN ARGUMENT

(these thoughts are added to at least twice a week)

YES! THESE SUGGESTIONS BELOW WORK!!!!!

We all disagree with each other from time to time. Sometimes disagreements become arguments and out of arguments come words that should never have surfaced. But there are solutions to promote simmering down rather than ratcheting up.

When you feel an argument may get out of hand, follow the following suggestions by agreeing to them ahead of time and there will be infinitely more peace and harmony in your household or at work or church or an organization or ball field or……….

Because we speak before we think, if the argument is political or some other hot topic that can get out of control consider writing down the pros and cons and then exchanging your notes before you switch to verbal. Yes, you can hold back a few goodies but on the whole, let it all hang out. Doing this shows you are willing to see both sides.

If you know the person well you are arguing with you are already at an advantage because you know how they think. Therefore, use this to the advantage of both of you. By way of example, let me share with you something Abraham Lincoln used to practice with his wife Mary. He was a charitable man and she while charitable not quite as much so. Therefore, to avoid an argument...if he wanted to give $25 to a person or organization he would say to Mary, "I want to give $50 " She would promptly reply "Abe, lets make it $25." He would say, "Alright Mary." He had known what she was going to say so he had simply doubled the amount so she could halve it. This way she was satisfied and he was satisfied. Otherwise, they could have argued for an hour.

Think ahead. Plan ahead. Build bridges not buttresses.

And when you discusss...be clear. We’re all capable of saying something like, “Is it colder in winter or Montana?”

Never get into a memory contest. You said…I said…This too often is just a smoke screen to avoid discussing the real issue. What is being said, not what was said is what is important.

Use balm phrases such as "Correct me if I’m wrong." This says you are a reasonable individual and will at least entertain the idea you could be mistaken. It is not giving in but it is listening up.
Actually, God should have made our ears twice as big and our mouths twice as small...maybe then we would listen twice as much, speak half as much...and quite often be the better off for it.

Don’t get into a blame contest if a problem needs someone to blame. Usually, one side IS more to blame than the other, but unless blame is vital to the discussion, ignore it.

Agree with any point the other side makes that you know is right. Conciliation does not mean concession. Remember, you are trying to make a point and not an enemy, temporary or otherwise.

Don’t take or make comments personal. Logic dies when hurt feelings arise.

Have more than one option in mind. If you can’t a home run, bunt a single. YOU DON’T HAVE TO COMPLETELY WIN AN ARGUMENT.