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RUST ON MY SOUL (A Novel) (Published by Bridge Press in 1985 & Distributed Internationally)
INTRODUCTION (Repeated for those new to the series)
In an old loose leaf notebook, Thomas Kettering wrote when there was a cry from his heart. He wrote when his inner longing spilled over into the reality of his days. He did not write every day, only when he felt he must. How often he wrote or when is not important. The journey is what counts, for it is a diary about all of us, to all of us. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” and even a stumble is a step.
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Evening
Beware! How often have I lit my fires of ego all burning bright with heat and flame?
Beware! Thomas Jordan Kettering has spoken the fires proclaimed.
Beware! I will destroy you and myself, too, in these flames of ego, if need be.
Beware! The shadow from the flame of the flame may be the shadow of a fool, but I am set to rule.
Oh God! I have destroyed friendships and family ties, made strangers uneasy. For what?
That my ego might be fed. That its insatiable appetite might not go wanting. I can name all the reasons; they’re all stacked u and packed away in that closet in my mind.’
I wanted to be president of the senior class, but I lost.
I wanted to go to Yale, but they wouldn’t have me.
I have wanted to be loved, but then one day a man who had nothing to lose said, “You’re a good fish, Tom.” That was twenty years ago and I’ve never forgotten it. Because in many ways he was right. I did hold back, aloof from the crowd. I still do.
“You can be charming when you want to.” That was what my mother used to say. But charming and caring are not the same.
“You’re a warm human being, Tom.” No one has ever said that about me.
I have not let my ego lie at ease. It is friend and foe, but in this rugged war of staying alive, of surviving with job and pay, of wining while someone else goes down the drain, ego does its job.
We’re down to two in our office.
The economy stands on shifting sands. Economic malnutrition does that. But I exude confidence. I work with controlled arrogance. I’ve sped up my output and lengthened my day. I’m safe. I have nothing to fear but fear itself. Thank you, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Evening
I am not always deep in depression but I all too frequently suffer from the downs. Change might be exciting, but in short order that too would spring a leak and lay limp. I seek no new marriage, no new job, no new adventures.
I find it more than enough to struggle on with my daily task of survival.
When my inner self cries out for help, who si listening? Is there a switchboard at the doorway to my soul? Can I call out and then expect an answer?
To ask for God healing I first must admit I’m sick. To receive God’s healing I must admit He can heal.
God, if you are, please listen now. I do admit there is something wrong with me that I alone cannot cure. I don’t like earthly doctors poking around and I’m even less enthused with the thought of you peering and prying.
But if your heavenly medicine chest has a remedy, please let me have some.
Is that sacrilegious? Perhaps, but since you already know the inner workings of my mind. I deserve no reward for honesty.
Morning
One of these days I’m going to lose weight, read the Bible and forgive my enemies. One of these days.
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(TO BE CONTINUED)
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(TO BE CONTINUED)
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A quote from the next posted blog entitled GOD’S FRUIT STAND
“A woman was wandering through a marketplace when she came upon a sign that stopped her in her tracks. It read God’s Fruit Stand. Without hesitation she rushed over and began to exclaim, “I would like a perfect banana, a perfect cantaloupe, a perfect strawberry and a perfect peach.” It was then she recognized who was behind the counter, God. And looking at her with a heavenly smile, He simply replied, “I’m sorry but I only sell seeds.”
That is the hope given to us on the first Christmas, when…”
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The book RUST ON MY SOUL is available on amazon.com
To view an abundance of unusual stories and comments by Neil Wyrick go to his other blog ONE A DAY, YOUR SPIRITUAL VITAMINS
Click on the following URL
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