(New thoughts are added each Monday and Thursday)
In Mexico City, in 1968, out of cold darkness that had descended, John Stephen Akhwari of Tanzania staggered into the Olympic Stadium, his leg bloody and bandaged. The winner of the Olympic marathon had been declared well over an hour earlier. But the lone runner pressed on. As he finally crossed the finish line, the now small crowd roared. When asked by a reporter why he hadn’t quit, he replied, “My country did not send me to Mexico City to start the race. They sent me to finish it.”
In the race of life stumbling comes easy, even to the point of falling. Facing this inevitability is important. But then comes the challenge of giving in or praying up, of becoming victims of other people’s bitter attitudes or rewarding ourselves by hungering after God and the best with us.
Charles Darwin in his book, Life and Letters, describes years of self inflicted pain. In his younger days he loved music, art and literature and took such great delight in their pursuit. He then writes of how his one-sided concentration on scientific calculations caused him to reach a point where he could not endure one line of poetry. Where even Shakespeare became nauseatingly dull.
It happens. Multiplying our possession while reducing our values. Traveling around the world while ignoring our neighbor next door. Conquering outer space but not the inner space of our souls.
It doesn’t have to be. The Bible tells us how to keep it from happening. Prayer…persistent, sincere. “Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and ye shall find.” Dial Heaven is one way of putting it. Worship…letting go and letting God. “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and soul, and strength, and mind.” Good works…decent deeds. “Show me thy works, and I will show you your faith.” A good place to start conquering confusion is not believing everything the newspapers have to say and stop questioning what the Bible has to say.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
DO YOU DRAW YOUR OWN CONFUSIONS? (1)
(Each Monday and Thursday these thoughts are added to)
If you sometimes find yourself feeling far away from God, guess who moved.
Yes, we are mind, body and spirit and we need to not forget the health of any of them. How? By considering how easy it is…
To multiply our possessions while reducing our values.
Or talk too much and pray too little.
To travel around the world and ignore our next door neighbor.
To conquer outer space but not the inner space of our soul.
To do bigger and bigger things, but not often enough better things.
Grow physically taller, yet shorter in character.
THIS IS THE FIRST IN A SERIES ENTITLED DO YOU DRAW YOUR OWN CONFUSIONS
If you sometimes find yourself feeling far away from God, guess who moved.
Yes, we are mind, body and spirit and we need to not forget the health of any of them. How? By considering how easy it is…
To multiply our possessions while reducing our values.
Or talk too much and pray too little.
To travel around the world and ignore our next door neighbor.
To conquer outer space but not the inner space of our soul.
To do bigger and bigger things, but not often enough better things.
Grow physically taller, yet shorter in character.
THIS IS THE FIRST IN A SERIES ENTITLED DO YOU DRAW YOUR OWN CONFUSIONS
Thursday, January 15, 2009
IF YOU MUST WORRY, DON'T WASTE IT
(New thoughts are posted each Monday and Thursday)(
Worry? Anxiety? Call it what you will. It is the darkness of the night without the brightness of the stars. It Velcro’s itself to our emotions and serves up exhaustion.
Are there ways and means to improve our handling of this mini or maxi nightmare? There are indeed. Firstly, it is very important to understand that it is a malady none of us will ever completely eliminate. Therefore, we should all remember what an old farmer once wisely reminded me “Every path has its puddles.”
Yes, sometimes the best we can do, after we have tried to keep thoughts that stink at a distance, is to work at making them less toxic and a little more manageable.
The causes of anxiety may come slowly as arthritis, bringing pain and immobility. They may come quickly with the words, “I want a divorce.” The cause may be the amputation of a limb after a horrible accident, an unexpected coronary that allows depression to come sweeping in. It may be an out-of-control anger from a friend or stranger. It may be shock waves from three words that become giants as you hear them spoken, “You are fired.”
If possible, ease the pain of whatever is the cause by mixing achieving with grieving. Though divorce is traumatic, a marriage may have been close to a living hell. An amputated limb may have saved a life. A friend of mine recently fell and severely fractured his jaw. Because of it they found cancer which was then successfully treated. The job fired from was a job you had wanted to quit for years. It makes sense to find silver rather than more shadows in the clouds. Let’s put it this way, “Don’t just complain about the weather, buy an umbrella.”
Talking about a problem with some-one close can help perspective. To just along sit and hug anxiety close really has little value. You can be so overwrought you put a wrong slant to the thing that’s worrying you, or you may have misinterpreted the problem. Maybe the other person has gone through what you are going through or something similar. It is a mathematical solution really because two points of view are always better than just one.
Would you ease your own anxieties? Then pause and try placing your problems and anxieties second in line while considering the problems and anxieties of someone else. That’s a tall order, but it is truly the best way to keep from being overwhelmed by self pity.
A case in point. One of our grand-daughters broke her foot. After moping about the house for a day or two, bemoaning the fact that the accident had really put a crimp in her plans, her mother gently reminded her that things could be much worse. That she should consider the plight of her counsin, who has M.S. She did and immediately her perspective of her miseries changed.
There is such great truth in what the novelist, A. J. Cronin, wrote: “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its strength.”
Worry? Anxiety? Call it what you will. It is the darkness of the night without the brightness of the stars. It Velcro’s itself to our emotions and serves up exhaustion.
Are there ways and means to improve our handling of this mini or maxi nightmare? There are indeed. Firstly, it is very important to understand that it is a malady none of us will ever completely eliminate. Therefore, we should all remember what an old farmer once wisely reminded me “Every path has its puddles.”
Yes, sometimes the best we can do, after we have tried to keep thoughts that stink at a distance, is to work at making them less toxic and a little more manageable.
The causes of anxiety may come slowly as arthritis, bringing pain and immobility. They may come quickly with the words, “I want a divorce.” The cause may be the amputation of a limb after a horrible accident, an unexpected coronary that allows depression to come sweeping in. It may be an out-of-control anger from a friend or stranger. It may be shock waves from three words that become giants as you hear them spoken, “You are fired.”
If possible, ease the pain of whatever is the cause by mixing achieving with grieving. Though divorce is traumatic, a marriage may have been close to a living hell. An amputated limb may have saved a life. A friend of mine recently fell and severely fractured his jaw. Because of it they found cancer which was then successfully treated. The job fired from was a job you had wanted to quit for years. It makes sense to find silver rather than more shadows in the clouds. Let’s put it this way, “Don’t just complain about the weather, buy an umbrella.”
Talking about a problem with some-one close can help perspective. To just along sit and hug anxiety close really has little value. You can be so overwrought you put a wrong slant to the thing that’s worrying you, or you may have misinterpreted the problem. Maybe the other person has gone through what you are going through or something similar. It is a mathematical solution really because two points of view are always better than just one.
Would you ease your own anxieties? Then pause and try placing your problems and anxieties second in line while considering the problems and anxieties of someone else. That’s a tall order, but it is truly the best way to keep from being overwhelmed by self pity.
A case in point. One of our grand-daughters broke her foot. After moping about the house for a day or two, bemoaning the fact that the accident had really put a crimp in her plans, her mother gently reminded her that things could be much worse. That she should consider the plight of her counsin, who has M.S. She did and immediately her perspective of her miseries changed.
There is such great truth in what the novelist, A. J. Cronin, wrote: “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its strength.”
Sunday, January 11, 2009
HOW TO REMEMBER ALL THOSE NAMES AND FACES YOU KEEP FORGETTING
(NEW ADDITIONS ARE MADE EACH MONDAY AND THURSDAY)
How often have you said, “I can remember faces but I can’t remember names?”
Well, as soon as you say that you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it doesn’t have to be. There are ways to accomplish what at this moment may well seem to you a miracle with no place to happen. Never forget a name? Always be able to put a face and a moniker together? Isn’t going to happen, yet you can improve. So let’s look at how to make your mind a better well-oiled machine.
First, when you are introduced to someone or they introduce themselves, repeat their name out loud. People love to hear their own name and it is also very basic; the act of repetition is the beginning of a memory road that will be more easily traveled. If the name you repeat is wrong, most people will correct you, at which time their name just made its way through your memory bank for a second deposit.
Secondly, get in the habit of making a word picture out of their name. Your brain will now be getting the message that you really want to remember their name. By way of example; take the name Fairchild and picture a little child having fun at a fair. Or, you just met Mr. Parker. Picture him parking his car outside the building where you are meeting. Sometimes the more ridiculous the better. You’ve just been introduced to Miss Boyle. Now add to your memory a picture of the same individual with, unfortunately, a boil in the middle of her forehead. Again, repeat these images.
Thirdly, play word games with names. Such as the name, Kuhlman, cool man. Or Richardson, rich son. Or Oliphant, elephant. Are you thinking, this is silly. Well, it’s not if you are starting to remember a few more names, even if you still are not remembering every name.
This next suggestion is a little more complicated since it has two parts; it puts your powers of observation to work and requires you to remember to make notes later on. To whatever degree you are comfortable, notice the outstanding features of the new face in front of you. Are the eyes small and hidden behind heavy lids? Do they sparkle or seem half asleep? Are they big and blue, deep and brown, almost hazy? We all have something rather distinctive about our features: square jaws or high forwards or big or thin lips. We have wavy or straight hair, or thick hair or no hair. We have bushy eyebrows or eyebrows so pale they are almost non-existent. Large noses or small noses. Big ears or small ears. Don’t stare, obviously. But also don’t fail to focus.
I realize that during this moment in time you are trying to keep up your end of a conversation but that is what memory is all about. And the more you use it, the better you’ll get at it. Soon you’ll be good enough to be able to describe the burglar who just robbed you to your local constable.
Now for part two; as soon as you can, take out the pen and little notebook you have decided to always now carry with you, write down the name and the outstanding characteristics of this person. We’re back to repetition again and your obvious desire to remember rather than make excuses.
Will it work? To a greater or lesser degree. But then if you remember twice as many names as normal isn’t it worth the effort?
How often have you said, “I can remember faces but I can’t remember names?”
Well, as soon as you say that you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it doesn’t have to be. There are ways to accomplish what at this moment may well seem to you a miracle with no place to happen. Never forget a name? Always be able to put a face and a moniker together? Isn’t going to happen, yet you can improve. So let’s look at how to make your mind a better well-oiled machine.
First, when you are introduced to someone or they introduce themselves, repeat their name out loud. People love to hear their own name and it is also very basic; the act of repetition is the beginning of a memory road that will be more easily traveled. If the name you repeat is wrong, most people will correct you, at which time their name just made its way through your memory bank for a second deposit.
Secondly, get in the habit of making a word picture out of their name. Your brain will now be getting the message that you really want to remember their name. By way of example; take the name Fairchild and picture a little child having fun at a fair. Or, you just met Mr. Parker. Picture him parking his car outside the building where you are meeting. Sometimes the more ridiculous the better. You’ve just been introduced to Miss Boyle. Now add to your memory a picture of the same individual with, unfortunately, a boil in the middle of her forehead. Again, repeat these images.
Thirdly, play word games with names. Such as the name, Kuhlman, cool man. Or Richardson, rich son. Or Oliphant, elephant. Are you thinking, this is silly. Well, it’s not if you are starting to remember a few more names, even if you still are not remembering every name.
This next suggestion is a little more complicated since it has two parts; it puts your powers of observation to work and requires you to remember to make notes later on. To whatever degree you are comfortable, notice the outstanding features of the new face in front of you. Are the eyes small and hidden behind heavy lids? Do they sparkle or seem half asleep? Are they big and blue, deep and brown, almost hazy? We all have something rather distinctive about our features: square jaws or high forwards or big or thin lips. We have wavy or straight hair, or thick hair or no hair. We have bushy eyebrows or eyebrows so pale they are almost non-existent. Large noses or small noses. Big ears or small ears. Don’t stare, obviously. But also don’t fail to focus.
I realize that during this moment in time you are trying to keep up your end of a conversation but that is what memory is all about. And the more you use it, the better you’ll get at it. Soon you’ll be good enough to be able to describe the burglar who just robbed you to your local constable.
Now for part two; as soon as you can, take out the pen and little notebook you have decided to always now carry with you, write down the name and the outstanding characteristics of this person. We’re back to repetition again and your obvious desire to remember rather than make excuses.
Will it work? To a greater or lesser degree. But then if you remember twice as many names as normal isn’t it worth the effort?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
WIN OUT IN YOUR BATTLE WITH GRIEF
(New ideas are added each Monday and Thursday)
Grief hurts. It hurts bad. It is an agony of the soul. It is a knife that cuts and rips and slashes and makes us cry out in terrible pain. All of us have experienced it for one reason or the other: death, divorce; the loss of a career, terrible sickness in our own bodies or the bodies of those we love. It comes in different guises, but it always comes.
How best then can we deal with this emotional winter storm when it surges over and through us? Some weep until there are no more tears left. Some try to repress their heartache and, like a kettle with no escape valve, eventually explode. One thing is for sure, we all handle this emotion of anguish differently.
A husband and wife spent many week-ends fishing together. When she asked for a divorce and left him – he gave up fishing.
A father and son played golf each Saturday morning. When the boy was killed in an automobile accident – the father put their clubs out with for the trash man. Two friends enjoyed hiking together. Then they had a terrible fight and never spoke again. Afterwards, one of them never entered the woods again.
When what was is no more, many in anguish cry out into their darkness over and over again, “Why me?” Some grow bitter and are overcome by galloping fear.
Would you ease your own grieving time? Then go out, and though still hurting or remembering how badly once you hurt, use your knowledge of pain to help others. Willingly search for some other hurting survivor. Hold the palsied hand of someone old and alone, or give patient love to a little lad or lass who obviously gets very little of it at home. Be a loving friend who takes a day off from work to stand in those final moments by a grave. In other words, move from the theological to the practical.
Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind, but she didn’t sit alone in her dark, dumb, dingy silence and feel sorry for herself. Did not burden herself by grieving for a life that might have been. Rather she got up every morning and went out. Went out where the birds were singing, and people were talking and the world was living. Went out to pour the sweet perfume of noble thoughts on others and feel some of it splashing back upon herself.
Thomas Caryle suggests that the ultimate question every person must ask of himself is, “Will I be a hero or a coward?” There is a thin line between those who have conquered life or been conquered by it. What then to do?
First – get a good physical each year, and learn what can make your health even better. If you are sick, and tired of being sick and tired, honestly look for the reason why, and then if the only answer you can find is that you must endure, pray for the strength to endure.
Second– get a good purpose in life. One you could be proud to have reported on the streets of heaven
Third – believe that when one door slams shut it does not mean all doors are in this condition. And the worst can turn out to be the best. Some clouds really do have not just one silver lining, but two or three.
Fourth - When I used to run in cross country races I figured I hadn’t given my all if I wasn’t almost in a state of collapse at the end of the race. When I took biology, which was not one of my best subjects, from a professor who didn’t believe anybody deserved an A, I didn’t just give up, I gave it my all. Actually, while I ran pretty good I never ran a race and I never did get an A in biology, but oh the satisfaction I received from knowing I had not settled for something less than I was meant to be.
Fifth– make friends and forgive enemies.
Sixth – watch a funny movie. Read a funny book. Laugh at a funny cartoon. It is a prescription from the book of Proverbs, “The cheerful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)
The grief of growing old? It can be put to rest by remembering some words the late General Douglas MacArthur once wrote:
You are as young as your faith,
as old as your doubts;
As young as your self-confidence,
as old as your fear;
As young as your hope,
as old as your despair.
Grief hurts. It hurts bad. It is an agony of the soul. It is a knife that cuts and rips and slashes and makes us cry out in terrible pain. All of us have experienced it for one reason or the other: death, divorce; the loss of a career, terrible sickness in our own bodies or the bodies of those we love. It comes in different guises, but it always comes.
How best then can we deal with this emotional winter storm when it surges over and through us? Some weep until there are no more tears left. Some try to repress their heartache and, like a kettle with no escape valve, eventually explode. One thing is for sure, we all handle this emotion of anguish differently.
A husband and wife spent many week-ends fishing together. When she asked for a divorce and left him – he gave up fishing.
A father and son played golf each Saturday morning. When the boy was killed in an automobile accident – the father put their clubs out with for the trash man. Two friends enjoyed hiking together. Then they had a terrible fight and never spoke again. Afterwards, one of them never entered the woods again.
When what was is no more, many in anguish cry out into their darkness over and over again, “Why me?” Some grow bitter and are overcome by galloping fear.
Would you ease your own grieving time? Then go out, and though still hurting or remembering how badly once you hurt, use your knowledge of pain to help others. Willingly search for some other hurting survivor. Hold the palsied hand of someone old and alone, or give patient love to a little lad or lass who obviously gets very little of it at home. Be a loving friend who takes a day off from work to stand in those final moments by a grave. In other words, move from the theological to the practical.
Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind, but she didn’t sit alone in her dark, dumb, dingy silence and feel sorry for herself. Did not burden herself by grieving for a life that might have been. Rather she got up every morning and went out. Went out where the birds were singing, and people were talking and the world was living. Went out to pour the sweet perfume of noble thoughts on others and feel some of it splashing back upon herself.
Thomas Caryle suggests that the ultimate question every person must ask of himself is, “Will I be a hero or a coward?” There is a thin line between those who have conquered life or been conquered by it. What then to do?
First – get a good physical each year, and learn what can make your health even better. If you are sick, and tired of being sick and tired, honestly look for the reason why, and then if the only answer you can find is that you must endure, pray for the strength to endure.
Second– get a good purpose in life. One you could be proud to have reported on the streets of heaven
Third – believe that when one door slams shut it does not mean all doors are in this condition. And the worst can turn out to be the best. Some clouds really do have not just one silver lining, but two or three.
Fourth - When I used to run in cross country races I figured I hadn’t given my all if I wasn’t almost in a state of collapse at the end of the race. When I took biology, which was not one of my best subjects, from a professor who didn’t believe anybody deserved an A, I didn’t just give up, I gave it my all. Actually, while I ran pretty good I never ran a race and I never did get an A in biology, but oh the satisfaction I received from knowing I had not settled for something less than I was meant to be.
Fifth– make friends and forgive enemies.
Sixth – watch a funny movie. Read a funny book. Laugh at a funny cartoon. It is a prescription from the book of Proverbs, “The cheerful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)
The grief of growing old? It can be put to rest by remembering some words the late General Douglas MacArthur once wrote:
You are as young as your faith,
as old as your doubts;
As young as your self-confidence,
as old as your fear;
As young as your hope,
as old as your despair.
Monday, January 5, 2009
IS THE GUEST ROOM AVAILABLE? MORE GROWN CHILDREN ARE COMING BACK HOME TO LIVE
(A new thought is added each Monday and Thursday)
A lost job. Apartments too expensive. Whatever the reason, as a parent you need to have a plan ready to apply.
Certain things really do need to be ironed out, talked over, etc. Who will fix breakfast? What are the shared responsibilities? What about dinner? Will a new time be required? Will there be a compromise to fit a new work schedule or no work schedule at all for one new member of the family is back home again. Yes, love, patience, understanding can be combined with compromise but a problem becomes a problem only when it is ignored.
What about sex? Will you allow an AC (Adult Child) to use your home for sexual encounters or not? What he or she does outside of the home is, of course, none of your business. After all you lived together for years so how you feel about certain matters certainly should come as no big surprise.
Since you may well worry if your new son or daughter doesn’t come home at night should there be an agreement that the AC will at least let you know? Or an agreement that if they don’t come home on a certain eve it is obvious they planned not to come home. A simple, “I won’t be home tonight” should be sufficient for both parties.
Is the AC sloppy? One mother, tired of picking up clothes in the living room, threatened to give anything left lying around to the Salvation Army. She did. Too strong? You are the one who must make that decision, but it is a decision that must be made. No festering, please.
Finances? Certainly the AC (if he or she has a job) should contribute to the food budget and the utilities. Room rent? That’s another matter. The money saved can go toward buying a home. It can also allow your AC to still be around 10 years later with not enough saved for anything. It certainly can be a sore point if the AC spends money for vacations, clothes, entertainment, etc. and never saves at all. Some AC’s are quite helpful in mowing lawns, fixing roofs, doing the laundry, etc. Discuss these issues.
And how long will the new arrangement last? Till enough money is saved for a down payment or to get out of debt or………till a job is found………..etc.
While each situation is different these questions and/or others, need to be asked, discussed and agreed upon in the beginning. Of course, from the very positive side, it is a good time for all of you, as adults, to get to know each other again and even better this second time around.
A lost job. Apartments too expensive. Whatever the reason, as a parent you need to have a plan ready to apply.
Certain things really do need to be ironed out, talked over, etc. Who will fix breakfast? What are the shared responsibilities? What about dinner? Will a new time be required? Will there be a compromise to fit a new work schedule or no work schedule at all for one new member of the family is back home again. Yes, love, patience, understanding can be combined with compromise but a problem becomes a problem only when it is ignored.
What about sex? Will you allow an AC (Adult Child) to use your home for sexual encounters or not? What he or she does outside of the home is, of course, none of your business. After all you lived together for years so how you feel about certain matters certainly should come as no big surprise.
Since you may well worry if your new son or daughter doesn’t come home at night should there be an agreement that the AC will at least let you know? Or an agreement that if they don’t come home on a certain eve it is obvious they planned not to come home. A simple, “I won’t be home tonight” should be sufficient for both parties.
Is the AC sloppy? One mother, tired of picking up clothes in the living room, threatened to give anything left lying around to the Salvation Army. She did. Too strong? You are the one who must make that decision, but it is a decision that must be made. No festering, please.
Finances? Certainly the AC (if he or she has a job) should contribute to the food budget and the utilities. Room rent? That’s another matter. The money saved can go toward buying a home. It can also allow your AC to still be around 10 years later with not enough saved for anything. It certainly can be a sore point if the AC spends money for vacations, clothes, entertainment, etc. and never saves at all. Some AC’s are quite helpful in mowing lawns, fixing roofs, doing the laundry, etc. Discuss these issues.
And how long will the new arrangement last? Till enough money is saved for a down payment or to get out of debt or………till a job is found………..etc.
While each situation is different these questions and/or others, need to be asked, discussed and agreed upon in the beginning. Of course, from the very positive side, it is a good time for all of you, as adults, to get to know each other again and even better this second time around.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
AN INNOVATIVE IDEA ON HOW TO TEMPER YOUR TEMPER IN THIS UP AND COMING YEAR
(A new thought is added Monday and Thursday of each week) ( January 5th’s will be How To Handle It When Grown Children Come Back Home To Live)
When we fly into a temper we quite often make a poor landing.
We all have tempers…some more some less…so here is an innovative and somewhat radical way to handle the problem.
Buy a small tape recorder, have it easily accessible and the next time you take off on a tantrum, press the record button. Then, later on, when you have calmed down listen to the playback. We all have convenient memories as to whose fault an argument was or a complaint that got out of hand…this way, there it is, in living audio with no editing.
In short, we can’t change until we are willing to admit a change is needed…and oh yes, don’t expect perfection even if you have gone beyond setting a goal and gone on a mission…you, me…we all fail…the purpose of this experiment is to improve…
When we fly into a temper we quite often make a poor landing.
We all have tempers…some more some less…so here is an innovative and somewhat radical way to handle the problem.
Buy a small tape recorder, have it easily accessible and the next time you take off on a tantrum, press the record button. Then, later on, when you have calmed down listen to the playback. We all have convenient memories as to whose fault an argument was or a complaint that got out of hand…this way, there it is, in living audio with no editing.
In short, we can’t change until we are willing to admit a change is needed…and oh yes, don’t expect perfection even if you have gone beyond setting a goal and gone on a mission…you, me…we all fail…the purpose of this experiment is to improve…
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