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This book, SIXTY PLUS AND NOT HOLDING, is about dealing positively with the challenges of getting older and fosters the belief that “If we would have new knowledge, we must get a world of new questions.” (Susanne K. Langer)
MANY SUGGESTIONS IN THIS BOOK FOR IMPROVING THE ART OF LIVING ARE GOOD FOR ANY AGE.
“I am come that they (you) may have life and have it to the full. (John 10:10)
Anyone who lives long enough gets older. There are no other options. How we handle the adventure is filled with options.
Keep both eyes on life, and not on the calendar. Admit your age, but don’t admit to the fallacy that you have to act like it. Saying, “I’m 39 and holding,” is more tragic than humorous because it argues that age has no attributes.
V. Neil Wyrick
HOW TO HANDLE THE DIFFICULT PEOPLE OF THE WORLD
Difficult people are an emotional poison oak in the midst of human relationships. And usually, the older they get the worse they get. DP’s are fueled either by a massive arrogance that will admit no wrong, or an overwhelming insecurity that feeds their paranoia. Everyone can be difficult at times. For some it is truly a permanent condition.
So how to deal with the problem?
Well, once you have established you are dealing with a real DP, don’t fantasize that they are really a nice person in disguise. Instead, prepare to deal with reality.
Some questions to ask as a starting point…
1. What’s the problem?
2. When did it start?
3. Why?
When you think you have come up with some reasonable answers try for dialogue with the object of your disaffection. There is no guarantee you will find success but you will find satisfaction because you tried. And, yes, there really is a good chance real communication will take place and the problem solved.
Begin by not beating around the bush. “It’s been bothering me that we seem to be disagreeing a lot lately. Is it something I said?...or did?
Or, what is wrong? I’d really like for us (note the us) to be able to deal positively with our stumbling blocks.” Note the use of stumbling blocks. They can be removed and don’t have the bad connotation such as words like problem, trouble, difficulty, disagreement, etc.
Nothing can be solved until it is out in the open. And a willingness to share the blame helps.,
Or another approach when working on the problem. “I can see how you felt that way.” (understanding)
“What I really meant.” (explanation)
Admittedly, the other person may not be ready for dialogue You may have to repeat yourself. You may still get nowhere. You may even get angry at yourself for wasting your time trying to make things better, but remember what the late Flip Wilson said, “You don’t hit no jackpots if you don’t put any quarters in the machine.”
Try the question vs. statement routine. Actually, if you do it right a good question is a statement with the rough edges gone.
“I think I understand,, but would you explain?” Then listen to the answer, let your questions show you fully understand the problem… and definitely are willing to listen.
Be patient. Sometimes difficult people are that way because things are moving too fast for them. Confused, being dragged along too rapidly in a direction they haven’t planned, they rebel. This is when patiently, without that exasperated tone in your voice or look on our face, repeating your reasons responds to their foot dragging which was really a cry for help.
Therefore, be an individual who tries to use your mind as much as your mouth. To look the other person in the eye, not in anger but with body language sent out the message you are ready an willing fo a reasonable, friendly, discussion anytime they are.
Always, make it clear you are not a wimp giving in, but neither are ou an unreasonable bore. Even some slight agreement can diffuse an otherwise volatile situation.
“There are areas I still have questions about…but I do agree…(this implies everything is not wrong about the other persons’ point of view).
Most people cannot sustain their anger forever. If all else fails, wait them out. Most people will run out of fuel if you don’t provide them with more.
If what you have done in dealing with a DP doesn’t work, be willing to be innovative. Write a note:
“Dear Joe/Jane,
I have been thinking about what you said and you have a lot of good points. (praise) However, I wonder if you have considered…(your ideas) After you have had time to think about these ideas I’d like to discusss them further. Would this afternoon or tomorrow morning (don’t wait too long) be okay?
A call for a friendly but honest discussion…an opportunity for both parties to chose more carefully their words.
Difficult people come in all shapes and sizes. The one or more you have deal with may be overt or secretive, loudly or softly sarcastic, opinionated or insecure, or completely creative in their miserable behavior. You may never reach a complete solution, but it is always worth some effort to try.
Below a quote from it…
“Be like the farmer who, when asked what he was building, replied, “if I can rent it, it’s a rustic cottage. If I can’t, it’s a cow shed.”
It’s called attitude and it can make us prematurely old or longer young. For truly, things aren’t just what they are, but rather how we choose to see them.”
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To access his other book’s; BOUNDARIES UNLIMITED, RUST ON MY SOUL, POOR RICHARD’S ALMANAC, I AM SIXTY PLUS AND NOT HOLDING, THE ABC’S OF PARENTING AND GRANDPARENTING, LETTERS TO AMERICA…go to Amazon.com (books) and type in Neil Wyrick.
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A HEAVENLY CONSTRUCTION PROGRAM(1st in series) (on this WyrIck’s Writing blog)
“I have always been intrigued by a question God put to Adam, “Where are you?” Why did He ask that? What is the meaning behind this? It wasn’t a geographical question, for certainly God knew the answer to that one.
“I have always been intrigued by a question God put to Adam, “Where are you?” Why did He ask that? What is the meaning behind this? It wasn’t a geographical question, for certainly God knew the answer to that one.
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BELOW IS A QUOTE FROM the SERIES on this Wyrick’s Writings site entitled ANGER IS A KILLER.
“Do you enjoy visiting friends? More than likely you’re thinking, Preacher, of course, I do.
Now let me ask the other side of the coin - Do you enjoy visiting enemies? No?
Well, I know you must enjoy visiting at least one enemy because, like myself, you probably visit this one quite often. Unfortunately, we all …visit this enemy…whose name is anger.
Some visit anger seldom. Some on a regular basis. And during those visits, some spew and others stew. ”
Some visit anger seldom
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TO WATCH NEIL WYRICK IN HIS ONE MAN DRAMAS (Presented to millions all around the world) (Ben Franklin, Martin Luther, Charles Wesley and Abraham Lincoln (this
CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING
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