*********************************** RUST ON MY SOUL (A Novel) (Published by Bridge Press in 1985 & Distributed Internationally)
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INTRODUCTION (Repeated for those new to the series)
In an old loose leaf notebook, Thomas
Kettering wrote when there was a cry from his heart. He wrote when his
inner longing spilled over into the reality of his days. He did not
write every day, only when he felt he must. How often he wrote or when
is not important. The journey is what counts, for it is a diary about
all of us, to all of us.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” and even a stumble is a step.
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Evening
My
neighbors wife has been dead for several months now. Through it all he
has shown an inner strength I can only admire from afar.
He’s
not happy and there is a sadness to his walk and talk, but something is
different. Has God reached out and taken Sam’s pain in His creative
hands and given it back in the form of spiritual maturity?
Is God really relevant to life and death? Could He be relevant to me?
I
read in the paper the other day that waiting to accept God until one’s
last moments is not only a cowardly act but a disappointing one.
What am I waiting for?
One
day, when I have one foot in the grave, will my inner catalyst come
alive? Why not now, when I’ve both feet in the midst of living? If I wait till near the end of my mortal melodrama, will my conversion become a bribe?
If
I give God my life now it is a challenge. But do I really have the time
and inclination? Or are my recent religious learning’s no more than
fear in my forties?
Afternoon
I’m
smart. I didn’t get where I am by being anything less. I’m well read. I
don’t know all the answers but I know more than a lot of people. I’m
sometimes arrogant and seldom less than confident in the midst of my
peers.
I can converse with better than average skill on sales management, engineering, theology, politics, and a dozen other subjects. So why am I living this Mix-master life? Why do I do so much churning without settling on any one recipe?
I’m climbing the stairs again. I’ve been to the pit. I’ve agonized in the darkness. When Thomas Kettering, Jr. died, I filled the gap of grieving with work.
In
my agony I spat in the face of God. I endured the nightmares because
there was nothing else to do. I’m still not ready for prayer but I think
I’ve given up on curses. Oh, God, will you be there in timeless
eternity to hold my hand”
I’ve been handling time so badly.
TO BE CONTINUED
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A New Series on PAIN AND PROBLEMS
began on this blog “Wyrick’s Writings”
and will continue until finished.
Then a new Series on PRAYER will begin..
To view an abundance of unusual stories by Neil Wyrick go to his other blog ONE A DAY, YOUR SPIRITUAL VITAMINS
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