************************************************** RUST
ON MY SOUL (A Novel) (Published by Bridge Press in 1985 & Distributed
Internationally) INTRODUCTION (Repeated for
those new to the series)
In an old loose leaf notebook, Thomas Kettering
wrote when there was a cry from his heart. He wrote when his inner longing
spilled over into the reality of his days. He did not write every day, only when
he felt he must. How often he wrote or when is not important. The journey is
what counts, for it is a diary about all of us, to all of us. “A journey of a
thousand miles begins with a single step,” and even a stumble is a
step.
Sometimes your knocking drives me crazy. It’s not that I
have not sinned and need no Savior; it is not that I have all wisdom and need no
guidance; it is not that I am completely self-sufficient and need no
help.
I‘m not ready, that’s all.
I’ve met a few who are so
obsessed with heavenly things they’re no longer any earthly good.
I can’t
handle that in other people and I couldn’t handle it in me. At least I’m not
ready to try.
Evening
“Tom,” Nancy asked, “do you know how
long it has been since we went out to dinner, just the two of us?”
And I
knew Nancy’s question was more than culinary.
It asked, “What has
happened to us?” Why has it happened? Is it too late to do anything about
it?”
So the foray goes on and our confidence grows ragged. Battle
traffic, inflationk, property taxes, crime.
I fight for my job and a
decent wage.
I try to see that my children grow up without disaster, to
keep my marriage on an even keel, to keep my sanity.
It is little wonder
that a pinprick can sometimes draw a pint of
blood.
Afternoon
I’ve got my name on the rolls and a place in
the power, but God in my life? Forget it!
I’ve got enough trouble with
this world; I don’t have time to worry about heaven.
And Christian
obedience leaves me cold. I’ve never been one to take orders. Being a church
member is quite enough without taking it too
seriously. Evening
I made a killing today yet here I sit with
a bad feeling in the pit of my being. A year ago I’d have been out
celebrating.
Instead, here I am writing in this damn diary again. Is
there some moral law that my subconscious hasn’t quite forgotten?
It
doesn’t bother other people I meet in business. Or does it? Could there be other
spiritual Dr. Jeckylls and Mr. Hydes like me?
Edgar is in electronics and
it must pay well. His pool is better than mine, his car is better than mine; his
wife is more beautifully dressed than mine. (Better not tell Nancy
that,)
His nose twitches without shame at the sweet smell of success.
Yes; I’m envious of his outer successes, but it’s that inner feeling of content
which he exuces that I so desp0erately want and need.
That’s where my
real envy zeros in.
“God made me rich.” It was blatant but he seemed
honestenough.Is that his secret to success?
Has he found a way to apply
Christian ethics to the marketplace? I’d be ashamed to ask God to co-sign the
last deal I made.
Is one of the best-kept corporate secrets the fact that
even successful men have souls, and that when they are not properly fed they
suffer from spiritual malnutrition?
Is Edgar completely honest and above
board and still making a profit? Is he paying his workers more than the going
wage and still making a profit? How can he be so foolish and wise all the same
time…or is that what it is all about?
********************************* TO
BE CONTINUED
(Complete book available on amazon.com) (great
prices) Neil is also the author of THE SPIRITUAL ABRAHAM LINCOLN (His last
book)
*********************************
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