(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
Time after time after time, when counseling a couple whose marriage is in trouble I’ve had the husband or a wife look at me and then at their mate and say, “I will do anything to save this marriage. ANYTHING!”
Too often they have come to this conclusion too late.
So let me share with you a suggestion I’ve made countless times to couples who want a way to improve their marriage before it’s too late. Besides being specific to fit individual problems, I share one other insight, that if it is followed, I know is bound to improve their home life.
Treat each other as if the other one had just come to you and asked for a divorce.
That’s right. If you might well do this when it is too late why not do it NOW so that this terrible day will never come.
Think on it. If each one is more concerned with the other’s happiness before his or her own, both will receive infinitely more than if either did nothing but demand their own desires be met.
And don’t keep a mental list of who seems to be doing more. This is counter-productive. At various times due to situations and circumstances, one is bound to be doing more, but just make sure you are trying to do your part and it will even out.
What I am saying is that a good marriage gets better when each party really tries to figure out the others wave length and rides that wave.
Good marriages are like a garden. Fertilize them with creative caring. Water them with thoughtfulness rather than thoughtlessness. Walk the walk and watch the whole marriage path just get better and better.
A good marriage takes place when both husband and wife keep falling in love over and over again….with the same person.
I close with one of my favorite quotes is, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years…” (Simone Signoret)
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
ANXIETY? SMOTHER IT SOME WITH SOME OTHERNESS
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
It is natural and to a degree necessary to be concerned with our own well being.. Complete 100 % altruism is both impossible and destructive Nevertheless for mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being we all need to care about someone besides ourselves. And go the extra mile in the process.
Let me give you some examples to better illustrate what I mean.
A child gives his favorite toy to a neighbor child who has grown quite sick. “I just felt it would mean more if I gave something I really wanted to keep.”
A woman volunteers to baby sit so a neighbor and her husband, who can’t afford to otherwise, can go out for the evening. “I don’t even like children,” she thought to herself as she volunteered “but that is the point.”
Nor does it hurt to be CREATIVE!. Take some stuffed animals to a children’s hospital. Be kind toward the environment around you; pick up some trash on the sidewalk instead of just complaining about the person who threw it there. Clean out your clothes closet and take those clothes you haven’t worn for months or years to a local non-profit organization. Have you just finished an inspiring book you probably won’t read again? The next time a sales person is mean or inattentive leave it on their counter with a note, “I enjoyed this book. I hope you will do the same and pass it on.” (That’s why you’ve been carrying that book around…just waiting for the right person to leave it with)
Share your umbrella with a stranger. Write a note that tells someone all the good things you see in them. It is infinitely better than waiting until you stand around their grave saying them.
Wrap ourselves in a cloak of “me, my and mine” and soon every anxious fiber of our being is running round and round in our head, wearing holes in our sense of stability. Wearing us out but not the anxiety.
The good thing about all of this is that it is a program one can start immediately. It requires no start up fund. A little advance planning but then that is fun. It certainly adds significance to a life and that is good any day in the week.
Bob Hope put it well when he said, “If you have no charity in your heart you have the worst kind of heart trouble.” “Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting” wrote Elizabeth Bibeaco. These are two of my favorite antidotes for anxiety.
It is natural and to a degree necessary to be concerned with our own well being.. Complete 100 % altruism is both impossible and destructive Nevertheless for mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being we all need to care about someone besides ourselves. And go the extra mile in the process.
Let me give you some examples to better illustrate what I mean.
A child gives his favorite toy to a neighbor child who has grown quite sick. “I just felt it would mean more if I gave something I really wanted to keep.”
A woman volunteers to baby sit so a neighbor and her husband, who can’t afford to otherwise, can go out for the evening. “I don’t even like children,” she thought to herself as she volunteered “but that is the point.”
Nor does it hurt to be CREATIVE!. Take some stuffed animals to a children’s hospital. Be kind toward the environment around you; pick up some trash on the sidewalk instead of just complaining about the person who threw it there. Clean out your clothes closet and take those clothes you haven’t worn for months or years to a local non-profit organization. Have you just finished an inspiring book you probably won’t read again? The next time a sales person is mean or inattentive leave it on their counter with a note, “I enjoyed this book. I hope you will do the same and pass it on.” (That’s why you’ve been carrying that book around…just waiting for the right person to leave it with)
Share your umbrella with a stranger. Write a note that tells someone all the good things you see in them. It is infinitely better than waiting until you stand around their grave saying them.
Wrap ourselves in a cloak of “me, my and mine” and soon every anxious fiber of our being is running round and round in our head, wearing holes in our sense of stability. Wearing us out but not the anxiety.
The good thing about all of this is that it is a program one can start immediately. It requires no start up fund. A little advance planning but then that is fun. It certainly adds significance to a life and that is good any day in the week.
Bob Hope put it well when he said, “If you have no charity in your heart you have the worst kind of heart trouble.” “Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting” wrote Elizabeth Bibeaco. These are two of my favorite antidotes for anxiety.
Monday, May 25, 2009
PRAYER! ARE YOU A SILENT PARTNER?
(these thoughts are added to three times a week)
Suppose you received a letter in the mail yesterday that had a strange looking post-mark on it? In today’s terrorist-climate-conditions you might be tempted to just throw it away, certainly think twice before you opened it. But since this is just “supposing,” let’s say you responded in a more positive way; opened it and began to read, “My dear earthly child.” This would certainly grab your attention. So much so that your eyes might immediately drop to the end to check out the signature, and when you found it read Your God you would probably be more than a little curious as to what lay in between the salutation and the closing.
Remember, we are playing a game of suppose.
The note, for it is hardly long enough to be called a letter, begins, I am sorry to inform you that I will no longer be listening to your prayers. When you sin and want forgiveness, there will be none available. When you are filled with thanksgiving, you’ll just have to get along with whatever joy you can muster. When there is a death and you need me most, I will be too busy. As of the receipt of this communication, you are out of the loop.
Hey, wait a minute! you protest. That’s not part of our deal. I pray. You listen. It’s a two way street.
And then the thought hits you…well sometimes I don’t use the street called Prayer unless I have a foxhole fixation. Sometimes I think about praying, but lose my way. Sometimes I just misplace the address and don’t work too hard at trying to find it again.
So what is prayer? Well, it is first and foremost an expression of belief. You cannot pray to an afterthought
Prayer is the one place independent man seeks dependence.
Before I learned how to fly and earned my pilot’s license, I read books on how to do it, but that didn’t make me a pilot. Before I traveled all over this old world, I read books on traveling, but that didn’t make me a traveler. There are books on prayer and you are listening to a sermon on prayer, but that doesn’t automatically make you a person of prayer. What does make you a pilot is to fly. What does make you a traveler is to travel. What does make you a person of prayer is praying
Let me give a few guidelines for praying:
SET ASIDE A SPECIAL TIME FOR PRAYER. Again, this doesn’t mean that is the only time you can pray, but if you don’t have a special praying time you may end up with no praying time. We are creatures of habit. Good ones. Bad ones.
Before I went away to college I practiced the piano every morning before breakfast and every evening before supper. When I got to college that schedule didn’t work out so well, so I practiced a little here, a little there, but as my piano skills began to diminish, I practiced less and less, and my mistakes grew more and more. If it was true of practicing a musical instrument, it certainly can be true of the more important practice of prayer.
To improve your prayer life –
Audit the obstacles to prayer.
SPIRITUAL PRIDE – I can handle it, Lord. Spiritual laziness - there’s always tomorrow.
SPIRITUAL ANGER – God, You ain’t been treatin’ me right, so I’ll show You, I just won’t talk to You for a while.
SPIRITUAL FEAR– fear that prayer might actually change you, and you are not sure you want to change. In short, don’t ask the Lord for directions unless you are willing to move your feet.
PUSH ASIDE YOUR EMOTIONAL HURTS. If we are too angry or too bitter, we really can’t pray. It can mute our desire to do anything but pout and fuss, or even worst, curse both God and man. Well, let’s put it this way, have you ever been so mad you were glad you were mad? Not in the mood for anything but more madness?
Certainly not in the mood for prayer. So if, or when, this is your problem, start a fight with these emotional devils. Pummel them. Stomp on them. Do them the damage they deserve. Clean them out of the room to your heart.
THINK ON KINDNESS. Open the windows of your mind and let beauty pour in. Remember the fact of love. Let the lives of men and women of faith come welling into the limelight. Your mind will always be filled with something, so as you prepare to pray, think on some good things.
FOLD YOUR HANDS IN PRAYER. It isn’t necessary, but psychologically it helps. It is an act of humility. An act of readiness. You have doubts? Then ball up your fists and try to pray.
Unfortunately, some folks don’t really want power to live better lives. They just want unlimited forgiveness for the wandering lives they continue to live. Or, as Thomas Aquinas put it, “Too often, when some pray they do not raise themselves to God, they ask God to lower Himself to them.”
You know, we carry with us always something that can be used to remind us to pray and who to pray for. It is our hand. Look at your thumb. It is the closest to you and should remind you to pray often for those close to you. Next is your index finger. You use it to point with. Call it the authoritative finger and let it remind you to pray for those in authority that they might use their power well. The middle finger – without it you can’t really get a good grip on anything. Without prayer you cannot really get a good grip on anything. Your ring finger? It is the weakest of them all. I early learned that as a piano student. Let it remind you to pray for the weak; those crushed by poverty or sickness or totalitarian governments. And finally, there is the little finger. It is the last and ought be a reminder that we should pray for ourselves last. (rewritten idea from “A Sure Thing” by Cornelius Plantinga, Jr., Bible Way CRC Publications.)
Prayer is not a difficult skill to be mastered, but a heavenly command to be obeyed. It is not a gifted weaving of words because one day we may be eloquent and yet another day quite tongue-tied. The greatest thing about prayer is that if we practice it enough, it reveals God - private, personal, for real.
One little boy prayed over and over again for God to make Jacksonville the capital of Florida. When someone overheard him and asked why he was so earnest about such a prayer, he explained, “It’s the answer I put on my test paper this morning.”
Yes, there are some things God won’t change and obviously shouldn’t change.
But then there are other times. When I destroyed my left arm in a hang gliding accident, I prayed, “Lord, You made my arm once, please remake it. I can live with a no but I am seeking a yes. I come knocking. I come believing that if it is Your will, the mercies of heaven will open wide and a miracle will occur.”
Well, I took God at his word and He took me at mine. And my heavenly Doctor and my earthly doctor took this shattered, paralyzed arm and made it well. It can now loft a tennis ball, type a letter, race over piano keys, lift a piece of luggage. I prayed and meant it, “Thy will be done.” And it was and He did.
A little boy one night was explaining to his father why he had fallen out of bed. “I just went to sleep too close to the place where I got in.”
If you have forgotten how to pray and feel your prayers peter out not much higher than the ceiling, perhaps it is because a long time ago you went to sleep on the edge of your faith. Maybe your prayers are still not much more than “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayers or “God is great, God is good” prayers. But even these reach the ears of God.
Prayer is an attitude. It is writing the word “gratitude” across the face of each new day. It must not just be something you do. It must be something you become. Indeed, a man who damns God and means it is praying more than a man who praises God and doesn’t mean it.
Prayer is the exercise that keeps usfrom having flabby spiritual muscles which is why serious prayers start for most people after the age of 30. It is then that they begin to understand that they are not masters of their fate nor captains of their soul.
Prayer is an adventure. A moment with God. A time of truth. It is when the best in us seeks the best for us. It is sometimes weeping, sometimes joyous, sometimes a whisper, sometimes a shout. Prayer is the glue that holds one’s faith together. It is the compass that points a clear and steady course toward the gates of heaven.
It is not a matter of theology, but of experience. Prayer isn’t spiritual levitation. Not magic nor mystery. It is just talking to God Who is talking to us.
Come to think of it - maybe that is spiritual levitation, magic and mystery.
Suppose you received a letter in the mail yesterday that had a strange looking post-mark on it? In today’s terrorist-climate-conditions you might be tempted to just throw it away, certainly think twice before you opened it. But since this is just “supposing,” let’s say you responded in a more positive way; opened it and began to read, “My dear earthly child.” This would certainly grab your attention. So much so that your eyes might immediately drop to the end to check out the signature, and when you found it read Your God you would probably be more than a little curious as to what lay in between the salutation and the closing.
Remember, we are playing a game of suppose.
The note, for it is hardly long enough to be called a letter, begins, I am sorry to inform you that I will no longer be listening to your prayers. When you sin and want forgiveness, there will be none available. When you are filled with thanksgiving, you’ll just have to get along with whatever joy you can muster. When there is a death and you need me most, I will be too busy. As of the receipt of this communication, you are out of the loop.
Hey, wait a minute! you protest. That’s not part of our deal. I pray. You listen. It’s a two way street.
And then the thought hits you…well sometimes I don’t use the street called Prayer unless I have a foxhole fixation. Sometimes I think about praying, but lose my way. Sometimes I just misplace the address and don’t work too hard at trying to find it again.
So what is prayer? Well, it is first and foremost an expression of belief. You cannot pray to an afterthought
Prayer is the one place independent man seeks dependence.
Before I learned how to fly and earned my pilot’s license, I read books on how to do it, but that didn’t make me a pilot. Before I traveled all over this old world, I read books on traveling, but that didn’t make me a traveler. There are books on prayer and you are listening to a sermon on prayer, but that doesn’t automatically make you a person of prayer. What does make you a pilot is to fly. What does make you a traveler is to travel. What does make you a person of prayer is praying
Let me give a few guidelines for praying:
SET ASIDE A SPECIAL TIME FOR PRAYER. Again, this doesn’t mean that is the only time you can pray, but if you don’t have a special praying time you may end up with no praying time. We are creatures of habit. Good ones. Bad ones.
Before I went away to college I practiced the piano every morning before breakfast and every evening before supper. When I got to college that schedule didn’t work out so well, so I practiced a little here, a little there, but as my piano skills began to diminish, I practiced less and less, and my mistakes grew more and more. If it was true of practicing a musical instrument, it certainly can be true of the more important practice of prayer.
To improve your prayer life –
Audit the obstacles to prayer.
SPIRITUAL PRIDE – I can handle it, Lord. Spiritual laziness - there’s always tomorrow.
SPIRITUAL ANGER – God, You ain’t been treatin’ me right, so I’ll show You, I just won’t talk to You for a while.
SPIRITUAL FEAR– fear that prayer might actually change you, and you are not sure you want to change. In short, don’t ask the Lord for directions unless you are willing to move your feet.
PUSH ASIDE YOUR EMOTIONAL HURTS. If we are too angry or too bitter, we really can’t pray. It can mute our desire to do anything but pout and fuss, or even worst, curse both God and man. Well, let’s put it this way, have you ever been so mad you were glad you were mad? Not in the mood for anything but more madness?
Certainly not in the mood for prayer. So if, or when, this is your problem, start a fight with these emotional devils. Pummel them. Stomp on them. Do them the damage they deserve. Clean them out of the room to your heart.
THINK ON KINDNESS. Open the windows of your mind and let beauty pour in. Remember the fact of love. Let the lives of men and women of faith come welling into the limelight. Your mind will always be filled with something, so as you prepare to pray, think on some good things.
FOLD YOUR HANDS IN PRAYER. It isn’t necessary, but psychologically it helps. It is an act of humility. An act of readiness. You have doubts? Then ball up your fists and try to pray.
Unfortunately, some folks don’t really want power to live better lives. They just want unlimited forgiveness for the wandering lives they continue to live. Or, as Thomas Aquinas put it, “Too often, when some pray they do not raise themselves to God, they ask God to lower Himself to them.”
You know, we carry with us always something that can be used to remind us to pray and who to pray for. It is our hand. Look at your thumb. It is the closest to you and should remind you to pray often for those close to you. Next is your index finger. You use it to point with. Call it the authoritative finger and let it remind you to pray for those in authority that they might use their power well. The middle finger – without it you can’t really get a good grip on anything. Without prayer you cannot really get a good grip on anything. Your ring finger? It is the weakest of them all. I early learned that as a piano student. Let it remind you to pray for the weak; those crushed by poverty or sickness or totalitarian governments. And finally, there is the little finger. It is the last and ought be a reminder that we should pray for ourselves last. (rewritten idea from “A Sure Thing” by Cornelius Plantinga, Jr., Bible Way CRC Publications.)
Prayer is not a difficult skill to be mastered, but a heavenly command to be obeyed. It is not a gifted weaving of words because one day we may be eloquent and yet another day quite tongue-tied. The greatest thing about prayer is that if we practice it enough, it reveals God - private, personal, for real.
One little boy prayed over and over again for God to make Jacksonville the capital of Florida. When someone overheard him and asked why he was so earnest about such a prayer, he explained, “It’s the answer I put on my test paper this morning.”
Yes, there are some things God won’t change and obviously shouldn’t change.
But then there are other times. When I destroyed my left arm in a hang gliding accident, I prayed, “Lord, You made my arm once, please remake it. I can live with a no but I am seeking a yes. I come knocking. I come believing that if it is Your will, the mercies of heaven will open wide and a miracle will occur.”
Well, I took God at his word and He took me at mine. And my heavenly Doctor and my earthly doctor took this shattered, paralyzed arm and made it well. It can now loft a tennis ball, type a letter, race over piano keys, lift a piece of luggage. I prayed and meant it, “Thy will be done.” And it was and He did.
A little boy one night was explaining to his father why he had fallen out of bed. “I just went to sleep too close to the place where I got in.”
If you have forgotten how to pray and feel your prayers peter out not much higher than the ceiling, perhaps it is because a long time ago you went to sleep on the edge of your faith. Maybe your prayers are still not much more than “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayers or “God is great, God is good” prayers. But even these reach the ears of God.
Prayer is an attitude. It is writing the word “gratitude” across the face of each new day. It must not just be something you do. It must be something you become. Indeed, a man who damns God and means it is praying more than a man who praises God and doesn’t mean it.
Prayer is the exercise that keeps usfrom having flabby spiritual muscles which is why serious prayers start for most people after the age of 30. It is then that they begin to understand that they are not masters of their fate nor captains of their soul.
Prayer is an adventure. A moment with God. A time of truth. It is when the best in us seeks the best for us. It is sometimes weeping, sometimes joyous, sometimes a whisper, sometimes a shout. Prayer is the glue that holds one’s faith together. It is the compass that points a clear and steady course toward the gates of heaven.
It is not a matter of theology, but of experience. Prayer isn’t spiritual levitation. Not magic nor mystery. It is just talking to God Who is talking to us.
Come to think of it - maybe that is spiritual levitation, magic and mystery.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
12 TIPS TO SUCCESSFUL NEGOTIATIONS WITHOUT DISSENTION
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
At a meeting I was moderating recently I wished I could have momentarily stopped it and passed out the thoughts below. Everyone should read them and hopefully apply them on a fairly regular basis.
1. Each side should write down the pros and cons of any discussion (argument) and then exchange notes before starting a verbal exchange.
2. Be clear. We’re all capable of asking something like, “Is it colder in winter, or in Montana?
3. Never get into a memory contest. “You said – I said” What is being said NOW, not what WAS said is what is important.
4. Emotion has its place as long as it doesn’t fuel a shouting match.
5. Use balm phrases like, “Correct me if I’m wrong.” This says you are a reasonable individual.
6. Make sure that often during any discussion you feed the other person’s need for security, control of the situation and ego.
7. Don’t get into a blame contest. Unless it is vital to the discussion, ignore it.
8. Agree with any point the other side makes that you know is right. Conciliation does not mean concession.
9. Don’t beat yesterday’s procrastinations or mistakes to death.
10. Don’t take, or make, personal comments. Logic dies when hurt feelings arise.
11. Have more than one option in mind. If you can’t hit a home run, bunt a single.
12. Know that no matter how good you solution is, it will probably be rejected at first.
The truth of the matter is that so many arguments are the same argument now argued about for the hundredth time.
(If you would like to forward these thoughts to someone click on “tell a friend” at the end of this article. Google makes it very easy to share)
At a meeting I was moderating recently I wished I could have momentarily stopped it and passed out the thoughts below. Everyone should read them and hopefully apply them on a fairly regular basis.
1. Each side should write down the pros and cons of any discussion (argument) and then exchange notes before starting a verbal exchange.
2. Be clear. We’re all capable of asking something like, “Is it colder in winter, or in Montana?
3. Never get into a memory contest. “You said – I said” What is being said NOW, not what WAS said is what is important.
4. Emotion has its place as long as it doesn’t fuel a shouting match.
5. Use balm phrases like, “Correct me if I’m wrong.” This says you are a reasonable individual.
6. Make sure that often during any discussion you feed the other person’s need for security, control of the situation and ego.
7. Don’t get into a blame contest. Unless it is vital to the discussion, ignore it.
8. Agree with any point the other side makes that you know is right. Conciliation does not mean concession.
9. Don’t beat yesterday’s procrastinations or mistakes to death.
10. Don’t take, or make, personal comments. Logic dies when hurt feelings arise.
11. Have more than one option in mind. If you can’t hit a home run, bunt a single.
12. Know that no matter how good you solution is, it will probably be rejected at first.
The truth of the matter is that so many arguments are the same argument now argued about for the hundredth time.
(If you would like to forward these thoughts to someone click on “tell a friend” at the end of this article. Google makes it very easy to share)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A JOURNEY THROGH GRIEF
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
This is largely a rewrite of what I wrote several months ago. I am presenting it again because it has now been buried in time and new readers may not dig that deeply.
Are there some new thoughts below newly expressed. Yes, that too.
Grief hurts. When it comes, we feel out of control.
All of us have experienced it for one reason or the other: death, terrible sickness in our own bodies or the bodies of those we love, divorce, the loss of a career, the loss of a child. It comes in different guises, but in some form it always comes to everyone. It always does.
How best then can we deal with this ripping and tearing at our stability. Some weep until there are no more tears left to cry with. Some try to drown their sorrow in a bottle or the impact of a pill. Some try to repress their heartache and, like a kettle with no escape valve, eventually explode.
But some…some take their wounded selves to God and seek his special solace.
And what is God’s special solace? “It is the gift of being that allows us to laugh in the face of time and bow in awe at the opening of Eternity.” (anonymous)
When what was is no more. When a loss is complete and final, many grow bitter and are overcome by galloping despair. Cry out in continuous anguish, shout into the darkness of night over and over again, “Why, God? Why me?” Others shout and rail at God in anger.
Would you ease your own grieving time? Then go out, and though still hurting or remembering how badly once you hurt, use your personal knowledge of pain to help others. Sharing your remembrances will hurt, but it will remind the one to whom you speak that thay are not alone and that someone is now caring enough to give their very best.
Yes, search for some other hurting survivor. Hold the palsied hand of someone old and alone, or give patient love to a little lad or lass who obviously gets very little of it at home. Be a loving friend who takes a day off from work to stand in those final moments by a grave with someone who knows you went out of your way to show you care. You are too busy? Oh, yes...if this is a speed bump on your way toward active compassion...you are indeed too busy.
In other words, move from the theological to the practical. Study the Sermon on the Mount and start building your own little hill of concern.
Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind, but she didn’t spend her life sitting alone in dark, dumb, dingy silence feeling sorry for herself. Rather she got up every morning and went out. Went out to where the birds were singing, and people were talking and the world was living, all of which she could neither hear nor see. Went out to pour the sweet perfume of noble thoughts on others and feel some of it splashing back upon herself.
Don’t misunderstand me, she wasn’t born with this wonderful attitude. In her youth she would literally flail at family and teachers, making loud almost animal-like sounds of frustration. Then one day, her teacher got through to her that there is more than one kind of blindness.
That, yes, there is physical blindness that cannot see light, but there is also spiritual emotional blindness that will not search for light. And so she decided to make the most of life and not the least, to look for the best and not the worst. She decided not to daily grieve over her misfortune, but instead deal with it with a multitude of positive actions minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day until she had lived out a lifetime of service.
More than once I have placed my hand on the shoulder of another human being bent low with hurting and said, “Weep…cry…. Slowly siphon it out of your system. Then turn and begin to walk away from your wounding. Otherwise, you but nurture a ghost that will haunt you the rest of your days.”
Over and over again we must seek to turn our stumbling block called grief into a stepping stone, and then one day, one wonderful, momentous day, the peace that passeth understanding comes. The hurt often never really goes away, but the ability to bear the anguish, live with the fear, endure the frustration, the ability does come walking into our lives.
Would you find healing or advise someone else how to find healing? Sup then on those things that feed and soothe your soul. Walk outside and breathe in the spirit of God speaking to you from the existence of millions of blinking stars. Look up at the universe and feel the eternal extension of it. Walk quietly where there is the roar of an ocean shouting its power against the shore, or the rippling of a stream playing its musical notes against the stones, or the hint of a new day blushing the horizon. Plant a seed. Hold a leaf in your hand.
Henry David Thoreau in his little house by Walden Pond once wrote, “Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush (is) aflame with God.”
Do not succumb to thoughts that are tattletale gray. When tears are falling, the first thing you need to do is paint the dull, dead landscape of your thinking with colorful thoughts and a colorful faith. Things are not going well so you are not thinking bright yellow or bold red? It is understandable.
Should you attend a funeral service in pulsing pink? Probably not, but permanent black for an incessant forever isn’t a good idea either. You want to be alone when your world has come apart at the seams? Quite likely. But this is why you shouldn’t give in to giving up. Rather unclench your fist and reach for heaven's radiance. Let loose the vigor of God on the lethargy of your sorrow.
“Grief,” said Disraeli, “is the agony of an instant. The indulgence of grief is the blunder of a lifetime.”
What then to do?
It’s the last thing you want to do when you are overcome with grief but force yourself to watch a funny movie. Read a funny book. Laugh at a funny cartoon. It is a prescription from the book of Proverbs, “The cheerful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)
This brings me to the wrap up of these ideas; relief sometimes comes only after persistent persistence. Not giving up on prayer. Not giving up in our search for comforting holy truths. Not giving up.
Learn to finally say and mean, “I am thine Lord. I present myself as a spiritual sponge. Ready to absorb at whatever pace solace comes. Give me patience for I have it not and it looks like I am not going to find it immediately. You are mine and I am thine. Stamp this truth upon every fiber of my being. Amen...and again amen."
If grieving is caused by what we no longer have, cannot thanksgiving for what we do still have be of help? There is much truth in the words, It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
James Barrie put it this way, “God gave us memories that we (might) have roses in December,”
(To send this to a friend, Google makes it quite easy. Just click below these thoughts on "Tell a a friend)
This is largely a rewrite of what I wrote several months ago. I am presenting it again because it has now been buried in time and new readers may not dig that deeply.
Are there some new thoughts below newly expressed. Yes, that too.
Grief hurts. When it comes, we feel out of control.
All of us have experienced it for one reason or the other: death, terrible sickness in our own bodies or the bodies of those we love, divorce, the loss of a career, the loss of a child. It comes in different guises, but in some form it always comes to everyone. It always does.
How best then can we deal with this ripping and tearing at our stability. Some weep until there are no more tears left to cry with. Some try to drown their sorrow in a bottle or the impact of a pill. Some try to repress their heartache and, like a kettle with no escape valve, eventually explode.
But some…some take their wounded selves to God and seek his special solace.
And what is God’s special solace? “It is the gift of being that allows us to laugh in the face of time and bow in awe at the opening of Eternity.” (anonymous)
When what was is no more. When a loss is complete and final, many grow bitter and are overcome by galloping despair. Cry out in continuous anguish, shout into the darkness of night over and over again, “Why, God? Why me?” Others shout and rail at God in anger.
Would you ease your own grieving time? Then go out, and though still hurting or remembering how badly once you hurt, use your personal knowledge of pain to help others. Sharing your remembrances will hurt, but it will remind the one to whom you speak that thay are not alone and that someone is now caring enough to give their very best.
Yes, search for some other hurting survivor. Hold the palsied hand of someone old and alone, or give patient love to a little lad or lass who obviously gets very little of it at home. Be a loving friend who takes a day off from work to stand in those final moments by a grave with someone who knows you went out of your way to show you care. You are too busy? Oh, yes...if this is a speed bump on your way toward active compassion...you are indeed too busy.
In other words, move from the theological to the practical. Study the Sermon on the Mount and start building your own little hill of concern.
Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind, but she didn’t spend her life sitting alone in dark, dumb, dingy silence feeling sorry for herself. Rather she got up every morning and went out. Went out to where the birds were singing, and people were talking and the world was living, all of which she could neither hear nor see. Went out to pour the sweet perfume of noble thoughts on others and feel some of it splashing back upon herself.
Don’t misunderstand me, she wasn’t born with this wonderful attitude. In her youth she would literally flail at family and teachers, making loud almost animal-like sounds of frustration. Then one day, her teacher got through to her that there is more than one kind of blindness.
That, yes, there is physical blindness that cannot see light, but there is also spiritual emotional blindness that will not search for light. And so she decided to make the most of life and not the least, to look for the best and not the worst. She decided not to daily grieve over her misfortune, but instead deal with it with a multitude of positive actions minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day until she had lived out a lifetime of service.
More than once I have placed my hand on the shoulder of another human being bent low with hurting and said, “Weep…cry…. Slowly siphon it out of your system. Then turn and begin to walk away from your wounding. Otherwise, you but nurture a ghost that will haunt you the rest of your days.”
Over and over again we must seek to turn our stumbling block called grief into a stepping stone, and then one day, one wonderful, momentous day, the peace that passeth understanding comes. The hurt often never really goes away, but the ability to bear the anguish, live with the fear, endure the frustration, the ability does come walking into our lives.
Would you find healing or advise someone else how to find healing? Sup then on those things that feed and soothe your soul. Walk outside and breathe in the spirit of God speaking to you from the existence of millions of blinking stars. Look up at the universe and feel the eternal extension of it. Walk quietly where there is the roar of an ocean shouting its power against the shore, or the rippling of a stream playing its musical notes against the stones, or the hint of a new day blushing the horizon. Plant a seed. Hold a leaf in your hand.
Henry David Thoreau in his little house by Walden Pond once wrote, “Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush (is) aflame with God.”
Do not succumb to thoughts that are tattletale gray. When tears are falling, the first thing you need to do is paint the dull, dead landscape of your thinking with colorful thoughts and a colorful faith. Things are not going well so you are not thinking bright yellow or bold red? It is understandable.
Should you attend a funeral service in pulsing pink? Probably not, but permanent black for an incessant forever isn’t a good idea either. You want to be alone when your world has come apart at the seams? Quite likely. But this is why you shouldn’t give in to giving up. Rather unclench your fist and reach for heaven's radiance. Let loose the vigor of God on the lethargy of your sorrow.
“Grief,” said Disraeli, “is the agony of an instant. The indulgence of grief is the blunder of a lifetime.”
What then to do?
It’s the last thing you want to do when you are overcome with grief but force yourself to watch a funny movie. Read a funny book. Laugh at a funny cartoon. It is a prescription from the book of Proverbs, “The cheerful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)
This brings me to the wrap up of these ideas; relief sometimes comes only after persistent persistence. Not giving up on prayer. Not giving up in our search for comforting holy truths. Not giving up.
Learn to finally say and mean, “I am thine Lord. I present myself as a spiritual sponge. Ready to absorb at whatever pace solace comes. Give me patience for I have it not and it looks like I am not going to find it immediately. You are mine and I am thine. Stamp this truth upon every fiber of my being. Amen...and again amen."
If grieving is caused by what we no longer have, cannot thanksgiving for what we do still have be of help? There is much truth in the words, It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
James Barrie put it this way, “God gave us memories that we (might) have roses in December,”
(To send this to a friend, Google makes it quite easy. Just click below these thoughts on "Tell a a friend)
Monday, May 18, 2009
SKID ROW OR SHANGRILA?
(These thoughts are added to three times a week)
Blind is the man who does not leave this world better than when he came into it. Thoreau used to say, with modest pride, that he always returned a borrowed axe sharper than when he received it. Well, when your last pulse beat is stilled and your last breath is taken, when your soul goes up and your body lies down, what will you have been determined to be blind to?
Have you ever stopped to think that sometimes when you believe you are being mentally independent you are really being mentally incompetent? Indeed, we are all sometimes like the lady who sitting in the jury box argued, “I don’t listen to the evidence. I prefer to make up my own mind.”
God gives a commandment, and we treat it like a suggestion. Too often writing God’s commandments down…in pencil…with an eraser handy, or in this age of computers with our finger poised above the delete button. And done too often, it’s, “Hello, spiritual skid row.” For remember skid row is not only a place but an attitude.
We have a beautiful yard. It looks like it does and stays like it is because my wife spends many hours working in it. She controls the weeds so they don’t take over. She plans how she wants things to look and they look that way because she follows through. She could do nothing, but if she did nothing, very soon our beautiful yard wouldn’t be beautiful anymore.
I have written a parody on the 23rd Psalm in an attempt to describe how some folk live and what they dedicate their lives to:
Nothing is my shepherd,
I shall therefore forever want.
Nothingness makes me to lie down in spiritual laziness.
It leadeth me beside still, stagnant pools of nothingness.
It leadeth me in the paths of rationalization and excuses.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of dedicated deeds and lives
I will not fear becoming like them, for nothing is with me.
Its teachings and spirit comfort me.
It prepareth a table of alibis before me and ignores reality.
It annointeth my head with foolishness,
My cup of nothingness runneth over.
Surely nothing and more nothingness shall follow me all the days of my life
And I will dwell in the land of no God and no Godly deeds forever.
Do you know who and what a good Christian is? He is a man or woman who is good - for nothing. That’s right. His soul is not for sale to the highest bidder. He will do right if a thousand are watching or no one is watching. He requires no praise for his acts of righteousness
You know I got to thinking the other day about how a cow gets lost. My daddy grew up on a farm and for many years we would go back each summer and visit the family at the old homestead, so this city boy got a little used to cows. So there I was in the middle of Miami, thinking about how a cow nibbles her way into the dilemma of “Where am I?”
Well, she’s out there in the field dining. And when she has eaten all the grass beneath her nose she moves on to new grass and keeps on eating until she may eat her way right up to a hole in the fence. And then, if she’s not careful, wander through the hole to nibble the grass on the other side until finally, she literally has nibbled her way to being lost. Nibble by nibble by nibble, not thinking about anything but what is happening at the moment, she soon gets totally lost.
We humans don’t usually make one big choice that is a big mistake. We nibble our way to disaster, one little mistake at a time, until finally all the little mistakes turn out to become one big mistake. And if we are not careful, we have wasted a life.
Think about this. Your candle was tall on the day you were born, when God first lit its tapered end with the glow of life, but now you have to ask the question, “Where has all the wax gone? And why? And what am I going to do with what is left?”
Would you have more of Shangri-la in your life than skid row? Then first, believe in the Bible. It tells you who you are, and why you are. What you ought to be doing and where you ought to be going. Take the Bible at its word and you are well on your way to more successful living. Yes, it is dogmatic. It does not argue its points - it says sin is sin, God is God, Jesus is Savior and man needs to be saved. We may live in a gray world, but the Bible shouts out at us that good is good, bad is bad and never the twain shall meet. This may annoy some philosophers who like to argue there is no such thing as right and wrong, but the Bible is out to influence people first and make friends second.
Second, believe in yourself. Humility is a virtue but not if it causes you to ignore your own worth. It doesn’t really matter if there are a thousand things you cannot do, what matters is there are some things you can do. They are called talents. God gave them to you. Jesus talked about them. He made it quite clear that whatever talents you have, you should use them. That it is a sin to hide your talents under a basket of lazy excuses. Maybe your talent is making money, so then make it, but not just for yourself. Perhaps your talent is singing, then sing, enjoy it, study it, improve it, but not just for yourself. Maybe your talent is organization, then organize. Look for disorganization and overcome it, but not just for yourself. Maybe your talent is just being able to smile sweetly, or listen patiently, or be a very good neighbor; then smile sweetly, listen patiently, be a good neighbor. You were made in the image of God. Made to image God. Do it.
Thirdly, believe in others. Study Jesus - He believed in everyone. “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” He said it from the cross, and He named no exceptions.
It’s a challenge but it does us all good to remember that kites rise to their highest and best when they fly against the wind.
Blind is the man who does not leave this world better than when he came into it. Thoreau used to say, with modest pride, that he always returned a borrowed axe sharper than when he received it. Well, when your last pulse beat is stilled and your last breath is taken, when your soul goes up and your body lies down, what will you have been determined to be blind to?
Have you ever stopped to think that sometimes when you believe you are being mentally independent you are really being mentally incompetent? Indeed, we are all sometimes like the lady who sitting in the jury box argued, “I don’t listen to the evidence. I prefer to make up my own mind.”
God gives a commandment, and we treat it like a suggestion. Too often writing God’s commandments down…in pencil…with an eraser handy, or in this age of computers with our finger poised above the delete button. And done too often, it’s, “Hello, spiritual skid row.” For remember skid row is not only a place but an attitude.
We have a beautiful yard. It looks like it does and stays like it is because my wife spends many hours working in it. She controls the weeds so they don’t take over. She plans how she wants things to look and they look that way because she follows through. She could do nothing, but if she did nothing, very soon our beautiful yard wouldn’t be beautiful anymore.
I have written a parody on the 23rd Psalm in an attempt to describe how some folk live and what they dedicate their lives to:
Nothing is my shepherd,
I shall therefore forever want.
Nothingness makes me to lie down in spiritual laziness.
It leadeth me beside still, stagnant pools of nothingness.
It leadeth me in the paths of rationalization and excuses.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of dedicated deeds and lives
I will not fear becoming like them, for nothing is with me.
Its teachings and spirit comfort me.
It prepareth a table of alibis before me and ignores reality.
It annointeth my head with foolishness,
My cup of nothingness runneth over.
Surely nothing and more nothingness shall follow me all the days of my life
And I will dwell in the land of no God and no Godly deeds forever.
Do you know who and what a good Christian is? He is a man or woman who is good - for nothing. That’s right. His soul is not for sale to the highest bidder. He will do right if a thousand are watching or no one is watching. He requires no praise for his acts of righteousness
You know I got to thinking the other day about how a cow gets lost. My daddy grew up on a farm and for many years we would go back each summer and visit the family at the old homestead, so this city boy got a little used to cows. So there I was in the middle of Miami, thinking about how a cow nibbles her way into the dilemma of “Where am I?”
Well, she’s out there in the field dining. And when she has eaten all the grass beneath her nose she moves on to new grass and keeps on eating until she may eat her way right up to a hole in the fence. And then, if she’s not careful, wander through the hole to nibble the grass on the other side until finally, she literally has nibbled her way to being lost. Nibble by nibble by nibble, not thinking about anything but what is happening at the moment, she soon gets totally lost.
We humans don’t usually make one big choice that is a big mistake. We nibble our way to disaster, one little mistake at a time, until finally all the little mistakes turn out to become one big mistake. And if we are not careful, we have wasted a life.
Think about this. Your candle was tall on the day you were born, when God first lit its tapered end with the glow of life, but now you have to ask the question, “Where has all the wax gone? And why? And what am I going to do with what is left?”
Would you have more of Shangri-la in your life than skid row? Then first, believe in the Bible. It tells you who you are, and why you are. What you ought to be doing and where you ought to be going. Take the Bible at its word and you are well on your way to more successful living. Yes, it is dogmatic. It does not argue its points - it says sin is sin, God is God, Jesus is Savior and man needs to be saved. We may live in a gray world, but the Bible shouts out at us that good is good, bad is bad and never the twain shall meet. This may annoy some philosophers who like to argue there is no such thing as right and wrong, but the Bible is out to influence people first and make friends second.
Second, believe in yourself. Humility is a virtue but not if it causes you to ignore your own worth. It doesn’t really matter if there are a thousand things you cannot do, what matters is there are some things you can do. They are called talents. God gave them to you. Jesus talked about them. He made it quite clear that whatever talents you have, you should use them. That it is a sin to hide your talents under a basket of lazy excuses. Maybe your talent is making money, so then make it, but not just for yourself. Perhaps your talent is singing, then sing, enjoy it, study it, improve it, but not just for yourself. Maybe your talent is organization, then organize. Look for disorganization and overcome it, but not just for yourself. Maybe your talent is just being able to smile sweetly, or listen patiently, or be a very good neighbor; then smile sweetly, listen patiently, be a good neighbor. You were made in the image of God. Made to image God. Do it.
Thirdly, believe in others. Study Jesus - He believed in everyone. “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” He said it from the cross, and He named no exceptions.
It’s a challenge but it does us all good to remember that kites rise to their highest and best when they fly against the wind.
Friday, May 15, 2009
HOW TO HANDLE DEPRESSION UNTIL IT GIVES UP ON HANDLING YOU
(these thoughts are added to three times each week)
Do you wish to do damage to depression when it comes to call. Then force yourself to chuckle or even laugh out loud as you diligently search for ways to avoid becoming a cynic. Meet a smiling person first thing every morning. Who? Yourself! That’s right. Grin at the mirror. You will feel foolish because you don’t feel like smiling. Smile anyway. Got some doubts. Go to the mirror every morning and frown at yourself. Does that work better?
When down days, bad hair days, don’t feel like myself days come…attack them in all the ways you can. Maybe even with a few silly thoughts. Such as popping some popcorn in a container with no lid or creating a new language and then using it to ask for directions from some poor unsuspecting soul. This kind of thing isn’t a solution. It’s really only a band-aide, but band-aides have their place too in the healing of wounds.
A dear friend of mine was slowly dying of congestive heart failure, but she was so busy talking to and helping another friend who was dying of cancer, and several others with multiple problems, that she had less time to worry about herself. Depression takes time and effort, and reaching out to help others rather than reaching in to feel sorry for oneself really does work.
Seek an accepting spirit. If something is broke and you can’t fix it, stop worrying yourself to death as if worry were an answer. Whether of the body or the spirit, if there is nothing that you can do about it... take one good long last look at the problem and file it away for good. Trouble is, some people have pop up files. They file their problem away and then keep going back to see if anything has changed – serving up a plate of rehashed worries over and over again.
We human beings do sometimes need an addition to our stiff upper lip and/or deep spiritual prayer. There comes a time when we need some medicines to aid in our recovery, just as we need a doctor and an operation to do the same.
Anyone should be able to take Prozac, or Effexor or Paxil with no more of a sense of guilt than taking chemo, or havinga knee operation. And why not? Do not most people take insulin for diabetes, or aspirin for a headache, or anesthesia before the surgeon applies his knife?
Sometimes the best thing to remember is that most people in real depression recover within six months; therefore “Yes” the odds are in your favor. Meanwhile, when the weight of your negative thoughts weigh a thousand pounds and seem to be growing heavier by the minute; give such thoughts some muted silence. Seek an emotional whiteout. Just let the soft breeze of nothingness blow for a while.
Get on the other side of the window. Open the door and go for a walk. Don’t close the door and sag for a sit. Movement has its own power of persuasion. . Turn up some music and dance to the tune. An elevated pulse count can make you feel better, not well and happy necessarily, but better.
Don’t do drugs. Cut out or cut down on alcohol. Stimulants are no friends either. You are looking for good health…not ways to lessen it.
Donate yourself to some worthy causes. Selflessness is by its very nature an upper.
Eliminate the word depression from your vocabulary. If you can’t eliminate thinking the word or even saying it, cut down on the repetitions. Repeating over and over again “I am depressed” can only make you more so.
Do you wish to do damage to depression when it comes to call. Then force yourself to chuckle or even laugh out loud as you diligently search for ways to avoid becoming a cynic. Meet a smiling person first thing every morning. Who? Yourself! That’s right. Grin at the mirror. You will feel foolish because you don’t feel like smiling. Smile anyway. Got some doubts. Go to the mirror every morning and frown at yourself. Does that work better?
When down days, bad hair days, don’t feel like myself days come…attack them in all the ways you can. Maybe even with a few silly thoughts. Such as popping some popcorn in a container with no lid or creating a new language and then using it to ask for directions from some poor unsuspecting soul. This kind of thing isn’t a solution. It’s really only a band-aide, but band-aides have their place too in the healing of wounds.
A dear friend of mine was slowly dying of congestive heart failure, but she was so busy talking to and helping another friend who was dying of cancer, and several others with multiple problems, that she had less time to worry about herself. Depression takes time and effort, and reaching out to help others rather than reaching in to feel sorry for oneself really does work.
Seek an accepting spirit. If something is broke and you can’t fix it, stop worrying yourself to death as if worry were an answer. Whether of the body or the spirit, if there is nothing that you can do about it... take one good long last look at the problem and file it away for good. Trouble is, some people have pop up files. They file their problem away and then keep going back to see if anything has changed – serving up a plate of rehashed worries over and over again.
We human beings do sometimes need an addition to our stiff upper lip and/or deep spiritual prayer. There comes a time when we need some medicines to aid in our recovery, just as we need a doctor and an operation to do the same.
Anyone should be able to take Prozac, or Effexor or Paxil with no more of a sense of guilt than taking chemo, or havinga knee operation. And why not? Do not most people take insulin for diabetes, or aspirin for a headache, or anesthesia before the surgeon applies his knife?
Sometimes the best thing to remember is that most people in real depression recover within six months; therefore “Yes” the odds are in your favor. Meanwhile, when the weight of your negative thoughts weigh a thousand pounds and seem to be growing heavier by the minute; give such thoughts some muted silence. Seek an emotional whiteout. Just let the soft breeze of nothingness blow for a while.
Get on the other side of the window. Open the door and go for a walk. Don’t close the door and sag for a sit. Movement has its own power of persuasion. . Turn up some music and dance to the tune. An elevated pulse count can make you feel better, not well and happy necessarily, but better.
Don’t do drugs. Cut out or cut down on alcohol. Stimulants are no friends either. You are looking for good health…not ways to lessen it.
Donate yourself to some worthy causes. Selflessness is by its very nature an upper.
Eliminate the word depression from your vocabulary. If you can’t eliminate thinking the word or even saying it, cut down on the repetitions. Repeating over and over again “I am depressed” can only make you more so.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
IT'S FUN BEING NICE, but...
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
Life is often an echo and it can only echo what all the participants are sending out. Think about this; which kind of behavior produces the better world for you and those around you to live in? A growl or a grin? A sneer or a smile? A snide remark or a gentle reminder?
Obviously, that’s a loaded question. And while none of us can transform society into the exact shape we prefer, we can certainly make it better or worse. Our actions have a domino effect. People do tend to be more patient toward us when we are more patient to them. I still remember an airport scene where a less than patient gentleman was loudly demanding what he expected to get. Surprise! Surprise! He did not get it.
An ounce of honey is worth infinitely more than a gallon of gall, and cheap at any price. Be nice and you will harvest friends. Be grouchy and you will pile up a host of enemies or at the very least a tremendous number of individuals who will be sorry to see you come and glad to see you go.
So, if we agree nice is better, why is being mean and nasty so entrenched in our society? If we understand that “nasty” is a short fuse without restraint, that it starts and continues wars, be they national or just person-to-person, why isn’t being nice, which thinks before it speaks, more popular? Unfortunately, “nice” is too often associated with being weak, and that because we regularly stop right there – just being nice.
Being nice offers all kind of pleasant feelings, everything from warm and fuzzy to downright exciting, but by itself just being nice isn’t enough. What if nice were considered a member of the family of kindness and mercy? Now it takes on a whole new meaning. Now it has strength with the power to change the world.
It is “nice” to not say something bad about a person or segment of the population, but it is “kind” to go a step further and speak up for a person or a group being ridiculed. And as for mercy, it needs to be a verb rather than just an adjective. Nice is passive. Kind is active. Nice is “not practicing” vengeance. Kind is “giving” forgiveness.
I guess what I am saying is that we all should work extra hard at giving muscles to our social niceties. That we try to become the kind of folk who practice niceness, kindness and mercy till they are more than skin deep. Become a live-in part of our personality that is as permanent a part of us as the color of our eyes or the shape of our voice or the contour of our thinking.
This poor old world would certainly be a lot better off with a little more altruism than being afflicted by so much swine flu of the soul (piggishness).
We started with that warm and fuzzy feeling and now we have something infinitely greater. For now we encompass mercy and a more tolerant spirit and what the book of Micah speaks of so well, “…and what requires the Lord of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God?”
Have you clicked on the top right hand part of this blog "watch Neil as..." to see Neil in four films he has written and is featured in? They bring these four folk, Martin Luther, Benjamin Franklin, Charles Wesley and Abraham Lincoln back to life in our century. One was a NBC special.
Life is often an echo and it can only echo what all the participants are sending out. Think about this; which kind of behavior produces the better world for you and those around you to live in? A growl or a grin? A sneer or a smile? A snide remark or a gentle reminder?
Obviously, that’s a loaded question. And while none of us can transform society into the exact shape we prefer, we can certainly make it better or worse. Our actions have a domino effect. People do tend to be more patient toward us when we are more patient to them. I still remember an airport scene where a less than patient gentleman was loudly demanding what he expected to get. Surprise! Surprise! He did not get it.
An ounce of honey is worth infinitely more than a gallon of gall, and cheap at any price. Be nice and you will harvest friends. Be grouchy and you will pile up a host of enemies or at the very least a tremendous number of individuals who will be sorry to see you come and glad to see you go.
So, if we agree nice is better, why is being mean and nasty so entrenched in our society? If we understand that “nasty” is a short fuse without restraint, that it starts and continues wars, be they national or just person-to-person, why isn’t being nice, which thinks before it speaks, more popular? Unfortunately, “nice” is too often associated with being weak, and that because we regularly stop right there – just being nice.
Being nice offers all kind of pleasant feelings, everything from warm and fuzzy to downright exciting, but by itself just being nice isn’t enough. What if nice were considered a member of the family of kindness and mercy? Now it takes on a whole new meaning. Now it has strength with the power to change the world.
It is “nice” to not say something bad about a person or segment of the population, but it is “kind” to go a step further and speak up for a person or a group being ridiculed. And as for mercy, it needs to be a verb rather than just an adjective. Nice is passive. Kind is active. Nice is “not practicing” vengeance. Kind is “giving” forgiveness.
I guess what I am saying is that we all should work extra hard at giving muscles to our social niceties. That we try to become the kind of folk who practice niceness, kindness and mercy till they are more than skin deep. Become a live-in part of our personality that is as permanent a part of us as the color of our eyes or the shape of our voice or the contour of our thinking.
This poor old world would certainly be a lot better off with a little more altruism than being afflicted by so much swine flu of the soul (piggishness).
We started with that warm and fuzzy feeling and now we have something infinitely greater. For now we encompass mercy and a more tolerant spirit and what the book of Micah speaks of so well, “…and what requires the Lord of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God?”
Have you clicked on the top right hand part of this blog "watch Neil as..." to see Neil in four films he has written and is featured in? They bring these four folk, Martin Luther, Benjamin Franklin, Charles Wesley and Abraham Lincoln back to life in our century. One was a NBC special.
Monday, May 11, 2009
THE POWER OF FOREVER IN YOUR PRAYERS
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
Have you ever stopped to think that every prayer you have ever prayed or yet will pray in some distant future lives on and on and on. The sense and sound of it never dying. The affect of it having immortality because it was prayed from time to a timeless God. And in His hearing and acting upon it, it is then given a life of its own. Think long and deep on this and then pray often…for others that include friends, enemies and strangers…pray often…for yourself for otherwise you claim to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul…and pray that the epitome of foolishness and the extension of idiocy not make a home in the center of your soul. And pray with thanksgiving under girded by humility and lifted up with the echo of a thousand halleluiahs.
Have you ever stopped to think that every prayer you have ever prayed or yet will pray in some distant future lives on and on and on. The sense and sound of it never dying. The affect of it having immortality because it was prayed from time to a timeless God. And in His hearing and acting upon it, it is then given a life of its own. Think long and deep on this and then pray often…for others that include friends, enemies and strangers…pray often…for yourself for otherwise you claim to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul…and pray that the epitome of foolishness and the extension of idiocy not make a home in the center of your soul. And pray with thanksgiving under girded by humility and lifted up with the echo of a thousand halleluiahs.
Friday, May 8, 2009
HOW TO HANDLE A FINANCIAL CRISIS
HOW TO HANDLE A FINANCIAL CRISIS
(These thoughts are changed three times a week)
It isn’t easy to move from plush to poverty. And definitely not simple to go from a secure salary to no salary at all. The ground is shaking under the feet of almost one out of ten folk so
what can be done when a job is gone and statistics have become a frightening reality and your income has shrunk to nothing? What if you still have a job but you didn't get that raise or you are now working four days out of five? If income and outgo are at war with each other what are some solutions?
First, pay in cash. You won’t spend as much so what you have left will have a greater spreading power. People just don’t let go of a dollar bill as easily as they swipe a credit card.
Secondly, don’t invite fear to your dinner table. We all know where to find out how bad the economy is. The television networks and newspapers overwhelm us with negative market reports, and no further away then a computer chip obeying your command there is more such dismal and destructive data. Be wise. Such overload is no friend. Watch a comedy. Stop courting distress.
Third, wherever you have your money invested, leave it there unless you really have to have it. There are no guarantees; but if history has any truth in it…the market will be going back up. When? No one knows, but selling low when you bought high is obviously not a good idea. Patience has always been a virtue. When it comes to finances it is sometimes a necessity.
Fourth, look at what you are still spending your money on and ask yourself, “What is the real purpose of that last purchase?” If it can’t stand a truthful comeback, take it back, if you can.
Fifth, seek alternative pleasures. Can’t afford to go out to a movie? Stay home and rent a movie. Even the popcorn is cheaper. Or, play a game of Upword. It may slow your mood from heading downward. Or go ahead and have your favorite meal...the only difference being it is in your home kitchen rather than your favorite expense eating restaurant. Brown bag for lunch. It will put more green in your wasllet.
Sixth, watch your language. I’m not talking about cursing but the curing power of not using words like “hopeless” “never recover” or “we’re lost.” Life goes on. Children are still being born. The horizon brings a new day every 24 hours and there will be the sun as well as the clouds.
A half a dozen thoughts to raise your spirits? Better than a half dozen sighs to break your heart. And yes, share these thoughts with a friend. Sharing makes all of us feel better.
(These thoughts are changed three times a week)
It isn’t easy to move from plush to poverty. And definitely not simple to go from a secure salary to no salary at all. The ground is shaking under the feet of almost one out of ten folk so
what can be done when a job is gone and statistics have become a frightening reality and your income has shrunk to nothing? What if you still have a job but you didn't get that raise or you are now working four days out of five? If income and outgo are at war with each other what are some solutions?
First, pay in cash. You won’t spend as much so what you have left will have a greater spreading power. People just don’t let go of a dollar bill as easily as they swipe a credit card.
Secondly, don’t invite fear to your dinner table. We all know where to find out how bad the economy is. The television networks and newspapers overwhelm us with negative market reports, and no further away then a computer chip obeying your command there is more such dismal and destructive data. Be wise. Such overload is no friend. Watch a comedy. Stop courting distress.
Third, wherever you have your money invested, leave it there unless you really have to have it. There are no guarantees; but if history has any truth in it…the market will be going back up. When? No one knows, but selling low when you bought high is obviously not a good idea. Patience has always been a virtue. When it comes to finances it is sometimes a necessity.
Fourth, look at what you are still spending your money on and ask yourself, “What is the real purpose of that last purchase?” If it can’t stand a truthful comeback, take it back, if you can.
Fifth, seek alternative pleasures. Can’t afford to go out to a movie? Stay home and rent a movie. Even the popcorn is cheaper. Or, play a game of Upword. It may slow your mood from heading downward. Or go ahead and have your favorite meal...the only difference being it is in your home kitchen rather than your favorite expense eating restaurant. Brown bag for lunch. It will put more green in your wasllet.
Sixth, watch your language. I’m not talking about cursing but the curing power of not using words like “hopeless” “never recover” or “we’re lost.” Life goes on. Children are still being born. The horizon brings a new day every 24 hours and there will be the sun as well as the clouds.
A half a dozen thoughts to raise your spirits? Better than a half dozen sighs to break your heart. And yes, share these thoughts with a friend. Sharing makes all of us feel better.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
A SACRAMENT CALLED LIFE
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
I walked with love. This one with seamless garment who softly sifted the discontent in my heart, who slowly healed the hapless decisions that had stained my yesterdays, who loved me enough to die for me. There was such wisdom in His way of speaking and His sense of humor, His depth of compassion; all these made the changing of the mood of my soul the easier.
All around me the flannelled masses moved with such intent. To where? I wondered! And how many of them daily by the art of prayer sought reason behind their deeds.
And I found now I could not just forget them and just go on my way. They were no longer masses, these strangers on the streets. But men and women to be loved. And forgiven! As I need to be loved and forgiven by them.
Life had become a sacrament when I remembered men have souls. And did not forget my own.
I walked with love. This one with seamless garment who softly sifted the discontent in my heart, who slowly healed the hapless decisions that had stained my yesterdays, who loved me enough to die for me. There was such wisdom in His way of speaking and His sense of humor, His depth of compassion; all these made the changing of the mood of my soul the easier.
All around me the flannelled masses moved with such intent. To where? I wondered! And how many of them daily by the art of prayer sought reason behind their deeds.
And I found now I could not just forget them and just go on my way. They were no longer masses, these strangers on the streets. But men and women to be loved. And forgiven! As I need to be loved and forgiven by them.
Life had become a sacrament when I remembered men have souls. And did not forget my own.
Monday, May 4, 2009
HE SAID, SHE SAID
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
But did they? And in what context? And has the word structure been so changed in the telling that what was at first innocuous is now insulting. Someone tells you “ He said you are cheap.” What he really said was, “*(Your name) is thrifty.” Or “She said your dress is the ugliest dress he’d ever seen.” What she really said was “It certainly is different?”
The next time you are ready to get up in arms, upset and ready to do battle over what someone has told you someone else said about you; cool it. Rest assured , what you just heard probably bears little resemblance to what was actually said.
We’ve all played that game where perhaps a dozen people sat in a circle and the first person makes a statement to the second person who passes it on to the third…and so on…if you have played the game you know that by the time it has gone only half way around the circle the statement is beginning to bear little resemblance to what was originally said.
It isn’t that we human beings lie on purpose in relating someone else’s comment. It is that our memories are faulty and we have a tendency to enliven a quote too often in a negative direction.
Think positive. Decide that most likely whatever was said was said in jest or out of weariness is after all just an opinion and that same person may well have said some nice things about you as well.
In short, stop tenderizing your feelings while at the same time turning that chip on your shoulder into a log jam. I doubt there is a person alive who hasn’t had someone make a dumb statement about them that the person wishes they hadn’t said.. And remember, when you hold on to anger it is like holding on to a hot coal that just keeps burning and burning and burning some more. Throw it away. Douse it with forgiveness. Control it with an uncommon dose of extra understanding. Rise so far above it…it becomes no more than a speck on the horizon.
If you are determined to believe that someone really did mean to insult you and did a good job of it do not diminish your own being by growing angry at them. Pity them. Pray for them. Even make excuses for them. But if they were a fool for saying something mean you are the greater fool if you let it just keep eating up your insides.
I remember one man who really did say bad things about me and I would have preferred he didn’t. I took him on as a challenge and eventually he became a friend. I have had others say bad things about me and I still greet them with a pleasant “Hello.” Perhaps they still say bad things about me. Perhaps they don’t. But that is their problem. I don’t need to make it mine.
“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it” wrote Marcus Aurelius.
But did they? And in what context? And has the word structure been so changed in the telling that what was at first innocuous is now insulting. Someone tells you “ He said you are cheap.” What he really said was, “*(Your name) is thrifty.” Or “She said your dress is the ugliest dress he’d ever seen.” What she really said was “It certainly is different?”
The next time you are ready to get up in arms, upset and ready to do battle over what someone has told you someone else said about you; cool it. Rest assured , what you just heard probably bears little resemblance to what was actually said.
We’ve all played that game where perhaps a dozen people sat in a circle and the first person makes a statement to the second person who passes it on to the third…and so on…if you have played the game you know that by the time it has gone only half way around the circle the statement is beginning to bear little resemblance to what was originally said.
It isn’t that we human beings lie on purpose in relating someone else’s comment. It is that our memories are faulty and we have a tendency to enliven a quote too often in a negative direction.
Think positive. Decide that most likely whatever was said was said in jest or out of weariness is after all just an opinion and that same person may well have said some nice things about you as well.
In short, stop tenderizing your feelings while at the same time turning that chip on your shoulder into a log jam. I doubt there is a person alive who hasn’t had someone make a dumb statement about them that the person wishes they hadn’t said.. And remember, when you hold on to anger it is like holding on to a hot coal that just keeps burning and burning and burning some more. Throw it away. Douse it with forgiveness. Control it with an uncommon dose of extra understanding. Rise so far above it…it becomes no more than a speck on the horizon.
If you are determined to believe that someone really did mean to insult you and did a good job of it do not diminish your own being by growing angry at them. Pity them. Pray for them. Even make excuses for them. But if they were a fool for saying something mean you are the greater fool if you let it just keep eating up your insides.
I remember one man who really did say bad things about me and I would have preferred he didn’t. I took him on as a challenge and eventually he became a friend. I have had others say bad things about me and I still greet them with a pleasant “Hello.” Perhaps they still say bad things about me. Perhaps they don’t. But that is their problem. I don’t need to make it mine.
“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it” wrote Marcus Aurelius.
Friday, May 1, 2009
SOME PRESCRIPTIONS FOR BETTER LIVING
(These thoughts are added to three times each week)
The comedian Richard Pryor was critically burned a number of years ago. Before it happened, his ego and his income had been as high as the Himalayas. However, afterwards, when he appeared on the Johnny Carson Show, he shared the following, “When I was so seriously ill I was sure I was about to die, all I could think of was to call on God. I didn’t call the Bank of America one single time.”
It’s there, this inborn, intuitive heavenly-prodded-need to be aware of and commune with our creator. To reach beyond what we can touch with our fingers to that which we can only feel with our souls.
“I will meditate on Your precepts, and contemplate Your ways,” says the Psalmist. (Psalm 119:15) “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105)
Let’s put it this way, “Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.” (H Jackson Brown Jr.) Remember in the old days when someone would sign the dance card of a young lady which proved they officially wanted to dance with her and that she had given him a specific dance. And sometimes someone would like to fill up the dance card with just their name and no one else’s. Well, in a sense this is a prescription for better knowing God and receiving from Him His blessings. Have our eternal dance card, signed up, meditated through, prayed upon and committed to only God and none of the other devilish partners life sometimes offers.
But how does one accomplish this? How does one beef up opportunity and what the common sense of the soul tells us is the best of the best.
Well, first; in this noisy world find the time and the place to listen to the sound of silence. Hone and sharpen the ability in the midst of all of civilizations blarings to appreciate quiet. It may mean getting up quite early ere now and then or walking deep into some woods or the far end of a park. But the need of such a search is a necessity. Otherwise we lose our ability to hear this special quality in the advance of living and when that happens we have lost or never gained a good and gracious thing.
Second, remember our yesterdays down to the finest details. Revel in our moments of wisdom and admit our moments of stupidity. Don’t make excuses but forge lessons learned from mistakes too often or even seldom made. Perfection is impossible but following after imperfection with excuses is absurd.
Therefore, we need to consider both sins of omission and commission that we have committed and with equal fervor every good deed we have ever performed. Then, forming a mosaic with this truth about our lives get on with it. Knowing we have looked in the mirror but that we are not stuck all our lives with the same reflection. Knowing that always there is available wonderful miraculous medicine called change.
Thirdly, we need to write our worries in the dirt, seeing them for what they are and giving to them proper concern but then letting the rains come and wash them away. They were written, we have done all we can, now lessen the burden by not beefing them up until they are bigger than life itself. A lack of concern for problems if foolish. An ongoing anxiety only wrecks our health, shrivels our soul and forgets the value of a firm faith in our own ability to survive and well done in the doing. It is one thing to admit a trouble. It is yet another to publish and it give it a permanent place on the library shelf of our daily existence.
Fourthly, examine what it is that makes us tick. Beware of letting confidence grow to arrogance. Do not seek a spotlight when we should be more than satisfied with the warming light of a brand new day? The wealth of power, the wealth of wealth; are these really worth health ruined and relationships strained and sometimes finally lost? Is it ever too late to examine the motives that drive us in our daily living and pick and chose those worthy of our time and those not worthy at all?
There are many ways to be born again and we must be aware of them and where they are needed so that these great magnificent moments happen in our lives rather than languish as forgotten dreams.
CLICK ON “WATCH NEIL AS LINCOLN” He has been called the new and maybe better Hal Holbrook
The comedian Richard Pryor was critically burned a number of years ago. Before it happened, his ego and his income had been as high as the Himalayas. However, afterwards, when he appeared on the Johnny Carson Show, he shared the following, “When I was so seriously ill I was sure I was about to die, all I could think of was to call on God. I didn’t call the Bank of America one single time.”
It’s there, this inborn, intuitive heavenly-prodded-need to be aware of and commune with our creator. To reach beyond what we can touch with our fingers to that which we can only feel with our souls.
“I will meditate on Your precepts, and contemplate Your ways,” says the Psalmist. (Psalm 119:15) “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105)
Let’s put it this way, “Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.” (H Jackson Brown Jr.) Remember in the old days when someone would sign the dance card of a young lady which proved they officially wanted to dance with her and that she had given him a specific dance. And sometimes someone would like to fill up the dance card with just their name and no one else’s. Well, in a sense this is a prescription for better knowing God and receiving from Him His blessings. Have our eternal dance card, signed up, meditated through, prayed upon and committed to only God and none of the other devilish partners life sometimes offers.
But how does one accomplish this? How does one beef up opportunity and what the common sense of the soul tells us is the best of the best.
Well, first; in this noisy world find the time and the place to listen to the sound of silence. Hone and sharpen the ability in the midst of all of civilizations blarings to appreciate quiet. It may mean getting up quite early ere now and then or walking deep into some woods or the far end of a park. But the need of such a search is a necessity. Otherwise we lose our ability to hear this special quality in the advance of living and when that happens we have lost or never gained a good and gracious thing.
Second, remember our yesterdays down to the finest details. Revel in our moments of wisdom and admit our moments of stupidity. Don’t make excuses but forge lessons learned from mistakes too often or even seldom made. Perfection is impossible but following after imperfection with excuses is absurd.
Therefore, we need to consider both sins of omission and commission that we have committed and with equal fervor every good deed we have ever performed. Then, forming a mosaic with this truth about our lives get on with it. Knowing we have looked in the mirror but that we are not stuck all our lives with the same reflection. Knowing that always there is available wonderful miraculous medicine called change.
Thirdly, we need to write our worries in the dirt, seeing them for what they are and giving to them proper concern but then letting the rains come and wash them away. They were written, we have done all we can, now lessen the burden by not beefing them up until they are bigger than life itself. A lack of concern for problems if foolish. An ongoing anxiety only wrecks our health, shrivels our soul and forgets the value of a firm faith in our own ability to survive and well done in the doing. It is one thing to admit a trouble. It is yet another to publish and it give it a permanent place on the library shelf of our daily existence.
Fourthly, examine what it is that makes us tick. Beware of letting confidence grow to arrogance. Do not seek a spotlight when we should be more than satisfied with the warming light of a brand new day? The wealth of power, the wealth of wealth; are these really worth health ruined and relationships strained and sometimes finally lost? Is it ever too late to examine the motives that drive us in our daily living and pick and chose those worthy of our time and those not worthy at all?
There are many ways to be born again and we must be aware of them and where they are needed so that these great magnificent moments happen in our lives rather than languish as forgotten dreams.
CLICK ON “WATCH NEIL AS LINCOLN” He has been called the new and maybe better Hal Holbrook
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